When The Cullens Cook
by hoNeypiAnoBs
Summary: Bella is really hungry, so she asked Edward to cook a meal for her. This sparkle the rest of the Cullen's interest in cooking. Read as the vampires take over the kitchen! Intended for humor! R&R, please.
1. Chapter 1

**This is a sudden inspiration when I was about to cook. All POVs are Bella. Hope you guys will enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: Everything Twilight-concerned are all under the copyrights of Miss Meyer. I own nothing except the humour.**

**Chapter 1: Edward's Pasta**

"Edward, I'm really hungry!" I whined.

Edward and I were watching _Cloudy with a Chance of Meatball_, and all the food raining down from the sky was really making me hungry. I tried to recall my last meal – oh, breakfast, about 13 hours ago.

Edward looked at me with stricken eyes. "Oh, my god! I'm so sorry, Bella! What didn't you tell me? Now what you want to eat? Pizza? Italian? Chinese?"

I frowned, then smiled. "I want you to cook for me!"

"Me?"

"Yup. Please," I pleaded, using my eyes to make him agree. "I really, really want you to cook something for me. Anything, please?"

Edward smiled my favourite crooked smile, and pulling me up from the couch, he said, with a traditional bow,

"My pleasure, madam,'

I giggled and settled myself at the dining table as Edward looked about his kitchen searching for food to cook. It's funny that he had to open every shelf to see what's inside, as it's obvious that he and the rest of the Cullens didn't eat here.

"Pasta? Steak? Or you prefer…?" Edward asked me, holding up the ingredients.

"Um….. Pasta, please. Make it Fettuccini carbonara,'

"Right away, madam!"

I sat admiring Edward as he busied about the stove, thinking how to cook the pasta. He filled a pot with cold water and just dumped the pasta inside without waiting for the water to boil. The he set the pot on the stove, turned it on to the maximum fire. I stifled a giggle.

Edward then opened a can of carbonara sauce and put it in the micro-wave. He set it for twenty minutes. I giggled again. Esme won't be too happy about the mess, even if they didn't use the kitchen.

The front door opened and Carlisle came in to the kitchen, back from the hospital.

"Edward?" he stared incredulously at his cooking son.

"Hey, Carlisle," I greeted. "He's cooking pasta for me."

"Cooking?" suddenly Carlisle's eyes lit up. "Why is he cooking?"

"Because I'm hungry," I laughed.

"It's all my fault," confessed Edward. "I forget Bella needs food more constantly than us, and had deprived her of food for 13 hours,"

"Edward! How could you!" Carlisle scolded. "You should remember. It's unhealthy for Bella! She could have stomach problems,"

"It's okay, Carlisle," I smiled. "It's just today,"

Carlisle examined Edward's cooking, and frowned, "Is pasta supposed to be so sticky? It looked like it had stick all together,"

I laughed as Edward looked aghast at his pasta. The pasta could hardly be regconized: it is all a stick glue mess, the water was almost finished. He looked helplessly at me, and I laughed so hard I fell to the floor, bruising my arms.

Before I could recover, there was a huge BANG, and smoke came out from the micro-wave.

**Well what do you think about it? Please review! Would you like every Cullen member to cook for Bella? **

**Thanks! honeypianobs**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2 up and ready... sooner than you think! Thanks to lionnara for the first review!**

**Disclaimer: Yes, as you know, Twilight doesn't belongs to me.**

**Chapter 2 – My Next Cook**

"What the hell was that!" Edward swore.

"The micro-wave!" yelled Carlisle. "It exploded!"

Edward rushed to unplug the micro-wave and Carlisle took up a white floor mat to beat out the fire. The interior of the micro-wave was completely ruined, with the white sauce splattered all over, the can looked like it's melting. A sick burning smell was over the room. I coughed and ran out of the kitchen, laughing until my sides hurt.

When Carlisle and Edward managed to stop the fire and threw away the spoilt micro-wave, Edward said mournfully to me,

"I'm sorry. I just don't know how to cook,"

"Not to mention you have to buy Esme a new micro-oven," I laughed.

"Guess what," said Carlisle enthusiastically. "I'll cook for you, Bella. I just remember a dish that I used to love when I was human. Our cook cooked the dish splendidly. It's call black pudding,"

I stared at him.

"Um, Carlisle. Are you sure you want to cook that?" asked Edward.

"Yes. I'm perfectly sure. Bella, do you want to eat?"

I couldn't refuse Carlisle's enthusiastic face. "Of course,"

I didn't know then it was a huge mistake.

**It's short, but son't worry! I've have a few chapters written already... please review you guys! It would be much appreciated and loved!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Well! I have my third review here! Thanks, guys! Now this chapter is just Carlisle' preparation for Bella's dinner, next chapter Bella will taste the food! I'll upload it tomorrow. The chapter is short, so forgive me... :)**

**Disclaimer: As you all knew, Twilight is still very much Stephenie Meyer's. **

**Chapter 3 – Goodbye, Pot. **

Carlisle left immediately to the supermarket, not even bothering to take his car. Edward was sitting on the couch, with his face in his hands. I patted him and assured him it's okay, though I can't help to giggle now and then. There was still the lingering smell of something burned…

"Oh, my god, Edward! Did you turn off the fire?"

"What fire?" mumbled Edward from his hands. He sniffed, and jumped up.

"Oh, my god! The pasta!"

We ran back into the kitchen and the pot was smoking. Edward turned off the fire and peered at the inside of the pot carefully, as if he expected it to explode like the sauce. He pulled a puckered face.

I walked next to him and looked into the pot too, and I laughed again. Everything was a black sticky mess.

"Oh, my god, Edward!" I laughed until tears come into my eyes. "I'd never ask you to cook again!"

Edward took the pot and threw it into the rubbish bin disgustedly.

"A new pot for Esme," I said.

"Yeah," said Edward in a growl.

"Hey, it's okay. Carlisle's going to cook for me. It'd be okay. Besides, I really enjoyed your show," and I pulled his face to mine and kissed him.

He looked happier when Carlisle rushed back with his vampire speed. He put all his groceries on the table and started to sort them out.

"Bella, just sit in the living room and your dinner will be served immediately," said Carlisle. I've never seen him so enthusiastic. It amazed me.

"Alright," I said. I think it's safer to let him be in the kitchen. Even though Carlisle's a great doctor and all, but I don't believe he could cook. In fact, I have a slight suspicion his food might turned out worst then Edward's black pasta and exploding sauce.

**What do you think will happen with Carlisle's cooking? Stay tuned for tomorrow! Review, if you like this story!**


	4. Chapter 4

**THANK YOU GUYS FOR REVIEWING!**

**I am impatient too for reviews at Carlisle's cooking - but I like to stop at cliffhangers... SO, I am going to post two chapters for you guys, with ONE teeny, tiny request: REVIEW!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, **_**Eat Pray Love **_**or the black pudding. They all belong to Stephenie Meyer, Elizabeth Gilbert and Carlisle Cullen.**

****Chapter 4 – Where is my confidence?**  
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Edward and I settled down to watch _Eat, Pray, Love_. The food was making me really hungry. When we saw the part where Elizabeth was eating all the pasta, I had to laugh again.

We watched about half the movie, when I said,

"Hey, it's Carlisle doing okay? I haven't heard a sound,"

Edward cocked an ear towards the kitchen, and stood up.

"I'm going to see if he needs help,"

I burst out laughing. "Help? You?"

Edward only smiled and walked into the kitchen. I continued to watch the movie, while listening now to the conversation inside the kitchen.

"Carlisle, no offence, but I don't think…" Edward's voice was so low I couldn't hear him. Vampires.

"It'll be okay. What she don't know can't hurt her," That doesn't sound good. I gulped. What is Carlisle cooking? What is black pudding?

"Carlisle…"

"Hey, son. Trust me. When I was living in the middle century I loved this dish. I know you tried it before,"

"Yes, but because my _human_ mum cooked it. Not my vampire dad,"

"Edward, you don't believe me, don't you?"

"No. my confidence was shattered when my pasta burned,"

I heard Carlisle's laughter, and a _ting_ of a machine.

Carlisle walked into the living room and said, with a bright smile,

"Dinner is served,"

**Do not worry - next chapter is just a mouse click away...**


	5. Chapter 5

**No more needed to say. Just enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: No, I don't own Twilight. **

**Chapter 5 – Carlisle's Black Pudding**

I walked cautiously into the kitchen, feeling scared. There was no explosion, no burning, no throwing out Esme's other kitchen utensils. That's really suspicious.

Sitting on the dining room table, innocently, was a plate.

Carlisle pulled out a chair for me, and I sat. He flipped a napkin and gave it to me, which I put on my lap. He handed me a silver fork and knife.

I felt horribly like I'm in a horror movie. Carlisle had the world's widest and whitest smile on his face. He almost bounced on his toes, waiting for my testing. I couldn't disappoint him, my almost-to-be father. I heaved a breath and looked at the plate.

It was sausage. Black sausage, but still, I felt relieved that this is something normal. In fact, it looked quite good: it had a little burnt edges from frying from the pan. I took a cautious sniff. It smelled okay, too. I smiled weakly at Carlisle, who was analizing my every move. Why was he so excited? He's freaking me out.

I cut a little piece and put it in my mouth, chewed…

… and swallowed.

I gulped, and managed to say,

"Wow, it's really – " before…

_SPLAT! SPURGH! ARGH!_

"Bella!" cried Edward, rushing to my side and patting my back. "Bella! Are you okay? Bella? Bella?"

I coughed and choked, tears swim in front of my eyes. Oh, my god. Oh, my god. What the _hell_ was that? It tasted horrible! What is Carlisle thinking? It tasted like Emmett's gym socks - and that's saying a lot!

"Bella!" Edward cried, pulling my hair away from my face. "Are you okay?"

I nodded weakly, and tried to smile at Carlisle.

"I'm sorry…"

"Is it that bad?" he asked dejectedly. I felt so bad.

"No…."

"You don't have to lie for my benefit," smiled Carlisle weakly. "I'm sorry to cause you – "

"It's okay, Carlisle," I coughed some more. "Um, I really like it,"

"Bella, that hurts," said Carlisle. "Don't ever lie to me. Please forgive me,"

Carlisle walked away, his head bowed. He looked like he had just performed a surgery and the patient had died.

"Oh, Edward! I didn't mean," I said hurriedly. "I – I,"

"It's okay, love," said Edward. He took up a cloth and started to wipe my sick off the floor. Shit, I had just puke on Esme's carpet. And it's a white carpet. Esme's going to kill me.

"Edward?" I said weakly. "Where' Esme?"

"She's now in New York with Alice and Rosalie. They had taken a day trip to New York for night shopping," he smiled again, patting my leg. "It's okay. We'll replace everything before she's back,"

"Ok. Um, where has Carlisle's gone to?"

Edward laughed once. "He is in his Mercedes, listening to songs,"

"He totally hates me now, doesn't him?"

"No. He was just thinking what he has done wrong," smiled Edward. "he also hope that you don't get food poisoning,"

"Edward, what _is _ black pudding, anyway?" I asked.

"Well," said Edward, looking cautiously at me. "Bella, it's …

"It's pig's blood,"

**More chapters up tomorrow! So, please, _please_ review! Tell me what you like to serve for Bella's Dinner. :)**


	6. Chapter 6

**New chefs for Bella! **

**Yes, I've let a 400-year-old vampire into the kitchen. Not to mention he's a guy. NOW it's getting worse. Broken pans and massive throw up guaranteed! Chef Emmett is on the roll!**

**Disclaimer: Oh, no, no, no, no, no. I do not own Twilight. But, hey, I totally own the Cullens' kitchen! :)**

**Chapter 6 - Chef Emmett**

When I have recovered from the shock that Carlisle cooked _pig's blood_ for me, I don't have much appetite left. So I settled down to watch the rest of _Eat, Pray, Love_ with Edward and a glass of water. When we finished, we heard raised noises outside of the house.

"It's Emmett and Jasper," said Edward. "They're arguing,"

"Why?" I asked. Before Edward could answer, Emmett and Jasper came inside.

"Can't we just play it one more time, please?" Emmett pleaded.

Jasper was rigid in his reply. "No,"

"But that's not freakin' fair! I won that! I won! You tricked me!"

Jasper sighed tiredly. "Emmett – "

"What happened?" I cut in interestedly. Jasper looked like he's been bitten by a vampire and he's annoyed at the stinging sensation. Emmett was furious.

"Jasper cheated in wrestling! He damn cheated me!" Emmett yelled. He punched his hands together for emphasis.

"Emmett! I so did not! You were distracted by the bear!" yelled Jasper. I can see that he was already under a lot of pressure in arguing with Emmett.

"YOU – " Emmett started to say, but he stopped mid-sentence.

"What's that smell?" he sniffed around like a bloodhound. "That's like blood,"

Jasper rolled his eyes. "It's the shirt you've ruin, idiot,"

Emmett stared down at the front of his shirt. Splattered around the words _Bloody Murder_ was deep red blood. I feel faint.

"No, Jazz," said Edward. "Em's right. Carlisle cooked back pudding for Bella just now. And Em, could you please change? You're freaking my Bella out,"

Jasper and Emmett stared at Edward.

"Carlisle?" said Emmett, his jaw hanging open.

"_Cook_?" added Jasper incredulously.

"_Black pudding_?" they both cried in perfect synchronization.

"Er, yes," I said. "I was hungry, so Carlisle cooked black pudding. Um, you can have the rest of it if you want, Emmett," I shuddered, and tried to look back at the television, feeling horrible at seeing Emmett's bloody shirt. It makes me thought of how Carlisle _might _extract the blood from the pig... did he use a syringe?

Oh, god.

"But why Carlisle?" asked Jasper, he was still confused.

"Because Edward's pasta failed," I said, carefully avoiding Emmett. "He's going to cook pasta for me but it burned. So Carlisle offered,"

Suddenly Emmett's eyes lit up.

He put on his best professional face, and said deeply,

"Ladies and gentleman: fear not! Chef Emmett is on the roll!"

He took off his _Bloody Murder_ shirt and swung it around, cow-boy style. The blood scent filled the room, and I fell faintly into Edward's cold arms, thinking,

Oh. My. God. This is _SO_ not happening.

**So. Emmett. _Chef_ Emmett. What do you think about it? Can I get more reviews in order to tell you that? **

**Haha! **


	7. Chapter 7

**A big BIG thank you for all of you who had review and add me as a favourite story/author/alert and also had stick with the madness of Cullens males in the kitchen. Yes, now Edward and Carlisle had both failed on their cooking quest, what about Jasper and Emmett? And don't worry: the rest of the Cullens females might just be around the corner...**

**Disclaimer: No, I still do not own Twilight. It belongs to Stephenie Myer exclusively. **

**Chapter 7 – Ten Thousand Dollars**

"Jazz, let's have a bet," said Emmett excitedly, jumping up and down. If he wasn't careful, he's going to break Esme's floor before even entering the kitchen.

"What now?" sighed Jasper. He collapsed into a sofa, covering his face with his hands. I felt exhausted too.

"Let's have a competition. You and I are going to cook something for our Bella. I bet she'll like my food better than yours," grinned Emmett with a evil smile.

I thought Jasper would just roll his eyes and said he doesn't cook, but he looked at Emmett with a strange glint in his eyes.

I gulped.

"You know what, let's bet. Bella will like _my_ food better than yours," Jasper stood up and faced Emmett.

Emmett laughed. "What makes you think that, Major Whitlock," he crossed his arms

"What makes you think no, Chef Emmett," Jasper looked confident, like he's ready and saddled to go to the war.

They grinned at each other briefly, and shook hands.

"What's the bet?" asked Edward interestedly. I threw daggers at him: how could he encourage them! Do they really want to end me up in the emergency room?

"Hey, stop it! I will _not_ be any of your food experiment guinea pig again!" I said. "I've had enough of vampire cooking for a century, thanks!"

Emmett immediately put on his best puppy dog eyes and begged,

"Aww, Bella! Please! Let me cook for you! I've never ever cook before! You should be honored!"

"Over my grave then I'll be honored!" I snapped. "NO!"

"I know," said Jasper. "We'll pay you to be our judge,"

"You mean guinea pig!" I said.

"We're going to pay you _ten thousand dollars, _each,"

Well, that changed things.

"Really?" I said in disbelief. "You guys really want me to eat your food that much?"

Jasper and Emmett looked at me with the saddest puppy eyes they could. Plus, I think Jasper messed up my emotion a little, or why would I be reminded of Puss in Boots's teary green eyes in _Shrek_?

I groaned.

"Don't be sad, Bella," smirked Edward. "Your sacrifice will be well paid off. You'll get twenty thousand dollars after this,"

"And spend half in the hospital," I said. "Alright! I agreed. You guys can cook a dinner for me. But you'll have to pay me twenty thousand dollars!"

Emmett and Jasper slapped each other high five. Then they looked at me, with determined face to win this challenge.

"Don't worry, Bella," said Emmett, heading towards the kitchen, his _Bloody Murder_ shirt forgotten on the sofa, staining Esme's white sofa with blood.

"We'll have your dinner prepared in no time," added Jasper, with a military salute.

I looked at Edward in fear.

"You know what," I said in a small voice. "You go ahead and take care of them. I'll ask Carlisle to drive me to McDonalds first,"

**Hahahaha! So. If it's up to you, are you going to be Jasper and Emmett's guinea pig? Chapter 8 tomorrow! Please, please, please review? **


	8. Chapter 8

**This is a long chapter, and I hope you guys will like it! It's a Carlisle and Bella moment!**

**Next two chapters: Emmett's and Jasper's cooking bet result! Stay tuned for more!**

**Chapter 8 – McDonalds with Carlisle**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or Katy Perry songs. They belonged to whom they belong…**

I walked quickly down to the garage. There already was a lot of banging and sound of "oops" from Emmett. I don't want to watch them cook. I might lose my head. There's another reason why I wanted Carlisle to take me to McDonalds: I wanted to apologize to him of my misbehavior before. I felt so bad and guilty in completely destroyed Carlisle's enthusiasm in cooking.

As I reached the garage, there was loud music blaring in the garage. I frowned and listened closely. Normally it'd be Emmett that blare music.

_You make me feel like_

_I'm living the teenage dream_

_ The way you turn me on_

_ I can't sleep_

_ Let's runaway_

_ And don't ever look back_

_ Don't ever look back_

"Carlisle?" I called in shock.

Carlisle got out from his black Mercedes, and smiled sheepishly.

"Hello, Bella, what can I do for you?"

"Are you listening to Katy Perry?" I had just about totally forgotten my _Dear Carlisle, please forgive me_ speech.

"Er, yes," said Carlisle. He looked as if he would blush. He went into the car and turned the music down. "I was feeling a little down, so I come here to listen to music,"

That made me felt guilty all over again.

"Um, Carlisle, I just want to apologize for my action just now. You go all the way cooking for me and I had treated you so badly! I apologize, Carlisle, please forgive me?"

Carlisle laughed. "Oh, Bella! I wasn't mad at you! It was my fault. I forgot how you are with blood. It's stupid of me. I have a bad day in the hospital and I needed some new amusement, so I offered. Please forgive _me,"_

I smiled, and we hugged. "I forgive you if you forgive me," I said.

"I forgive you, Bella. You were unintentional," he frowned. "What's that banging... who's in the kitchen?"

"Um, Carlisle?" I said nervously. "You're not going to like it. Emmett and Jasper are having a cooking bet. They're now in the kitchen,"

Carlisle stared at me. "Emmett and Jasper are cooking? Why?"

"Yes," I nodded. "They heard that you and Edward were cooking, so Emmett proposed a bet," then I smiled. "But they're going to pay me twenty thousand dollars to eat their food!"

Carlisle exhaled. "Esme's going to be furious,"

"Yeah," I said guiltily. "Um, If you don't like, I can tell them to stop,"

Carlisle laughed. "Too late! So are you here to hide for the time being?"

"No. I hope you could take me to McDonalds first. Is that okay?" I blushed.

"Of course, Bella. It'd my pleasure," he smiled. "McDonalds, here we come!"

We drove to McDonalds. Carlisle's radio was playing another Katy Perry song, "California Gurls".

"Carlisle, why did you like Katy Perry?" I just had to ask.

"Well, um, her songs are really meaningful,"

_California Gurls, we're unforgettable_

_ Daisy dukes, bikinis on top_

_ Sun-kissed skin, so hot we'll melt your popsicle_

_ Ooh, oh ooh, ooh, oh, ooh….._

I looked at him in disbelieve.

"Alright," said Carlisle, relenting. "Her songs kind of relax me. Sometimes everything gets so stressful. I needed a de-stress moment," he looked at me pleadingly. "Don't tell Emmett,"

I managed not to laugh. "I won't. Scout's honor,"

We went to McDonalds, and walked straight to the counter. The girl behind the counter stared at Carlisle.

"Bella, what would you like to have?" asked Carlisle. Suddenly the girl fainted.

Carlisle and I stare as her co-worker took her away for rest. Another girl replaced our counter. She was practically drooling.

"What can I do for you, _ssir_?"

"A double cheese burger, a large fries with a strawberry milkshake, oh, please add in an apple pie," I said, snapping her attention from Carlisle. Carlisle looked rather shocked.

"What about you, sir?" the girl drawled.

"You can please me by completing her order," said Carlisle. He leaned in closer, "Please?"

Then he _winked_.

Carlisle and I stifled laughter as the waitress scrambled around to get my order. She was obviously smittened by Carlisle's good looks, and her soul totally gone to heaven in seeing my godlike future father-in-law.

"That'd be twenty dollars," said the girl breathlessly. "Thank you and enjoy your meal,"

Carlisle paid and we sat down on an empty place. The girl had collapsed breathlessly and some of the other workers had taken her to rest with the first girl. Carlisle and I laughed again.

"I never knew your flirty side of character, Carlisle,"

"The girl is so absurd,' said Carlisle, then we said together,

_"Don't tell Esme!"_ we laughed again

"What other singers you like, Carlisle?" I asked as I ate my cheeseburger. Oh, god. This tasted so good.

"Lady Gaga, Paramore, Usher and Taylor Swift," he whispered.

"Oh, my god! I love Taylor Swift too! What's your favourite song?"

"Love Story," smiled Carlisle, embarrassed again. He picked at the napkin.

"Oh, my god!" I exclaimed excitedly. "That's my favourite too! I never knew you're so in, Carlisle!"

"Taylor Swift is really talented," said Carlisle. He had this kind of shocked face as I crammed in all the fries and sucked the milkshake up in a breath. "Um, are you not going to get sick?"

"Oh, god. Are you kidding? I'm starving!" then I added. "I needed this. It's my support,"

Carlisle smiled.

When I've polished everything, I felt so much better. In fact, I could even bear the prospect of eating Emmett and Jasper's food.

"Ready to go?" asked Carlisle, standing up and offered his arm to me.

"I guess!"

**If you like this chapter, please review! If you LOVE this chapter, please review & review! Who's smitten by Carlisle? **

**More tomorrow, Scout's honor!**


	9. Chapter 9

**Thanks guys for all the awesome reviews you gave me! Also for those who add this story to alert & favourite! I am smitten by you guys!**

**Disclaimer: No, I still don't own Twilight. **

**Chapter 9 – What Happened When I'm Gone**

We sang _Love Story_ all the way back home. It was really fun. Carlisle's right. This way really could make me relax. We parked in front of the house, and I took a deep breath before going in.

Edward greeted us in front of the door. He looked kind of … guilty?

"Um, Carlisle, Emmett kind of broke another pot, and also the oven. Jasper had burned a cloth, but nothing else," he took a breath. "It's really messy in the kitchen,"

"Emmett broke the oven?" asked Carlisle, flabbergasted. "How on earth did that happened?"

"Well, he was going to bake something, and he turned it on full heat….."

"Did it explode too?" asked Carlisle, his face very white.

I laughed, and Edward looked injured. "No, but it kind of ruin the oven,"

"Yes, yes I've finished, Emmett!" yelled Jasper joyfully. I've never heard him so high before. "Now you need to pay me back a Ferrari sports car! The latest edition!"

I heard Emmett growled distinctively. I guess they have another bet while Carlisle and I were at McDonalds.

"Um Bella?" Edward turned to me. "Though what they've cooked is not extreme like the black pudding – sorry Carlisle, I totally meant no offence – but, um, kind of be prepared, okay?"

I was scared all over again. What could Edward meant?

"Don't come in yet, Bella!" yelled Emmett from the kitchen. "Hold on for a minute. Yes! Yes! Look, Jazz, I TOLD you it'd work!"

"It's burned, idiot! Humans don't eat burned food!" retorted Jasper.

Edward sighed. He looked really stressed. Maybe he needs a time out in his car, too. He yelled back to the kitchen,

"You guys! Finish up and clean up! Emmett, please, you have ruined your sixteenth pizza already!"

Pizza? I breathed a sigh of relieve. I can handle pizza.

There was a loud bang, and a minor explosion.

"Oh, my god! Emmett! Don't you sabotage my dinner for Bella!" Jasper screamed.

Perhaps not. I thought grimly as I walked to the couch and sit down. Edward sat down next to me while Carlisle walked into the kitchen.

"Edward," I whispered quietly. "Is it really, really bad?"

Edward looked at me remorsefully. "I don't know, love. I really don't know."

I can't really blame him. He hasn't eaten a human food for a century.

After twenty more minutes of agonizing waiting, also with a lot of _crash, bang _and_ oops _combining with curses from Emmett, my new chefs walked out of the kitchen, both wearing tall chef hats, vests, and aprons, bowed and said,

"Dinner is served, ma'am,"

I have no choice but to walk into the kitchen.

**Don't worry guys! I'm posting two chapters for you. The next is Emmett's presentation... so buckle your seat belts! Muahahaha!**

**Oh, PS, Review if you like it!**


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10 – Emmett's Pizza**

**Inspired by lionnara and my classmates' obsession with sushi, this is for the people who loved both food and have yet to try Emmett and Jasper's version. Separated into two chapters, so stay tuned!**

**Disclaimer: Nope, I still don't own Twilight. **

I was led by Chef Emmett and Chef Jasper to the head place in the dinning room. There were two silver platters on the table, both covered with fancy silver cover. I sat down uncertainly.

"Whose dish would you like to try first?" asked Edward.

The vampires were standing all around me: Jasper on my left and Emmett on my right. Carlisle stood by the counter, looking at the whole thing intently. I saw his black doctor bag on the floor. Is that necessary? Edward stood next to Emmett.

"Um," I figured I should play it fair, "Let's have a coin toss. Emmett is tail, Jasper is head,"

Edward gave me a coin, and I shook it like a prayer,

"Oh, by the power of the gods, please tell me who's dish I wouldn't like to try first?"

The coin spun and stop. Heads up.

I gulped. "Sorry, Jasper,"

"Hey, that's not fair! Try mine first!" Emmett whined.

I frowned at him. "I'm going to eat your food, Emmett! Why are you complaining? You get to poison me first,"

Emmett frowned. "But it's heads. Jazz won! I have to pay him back with a British castle fill with Chanel clothes,"

I stared at him. "Um, Emmett, I said _who's dish I WOULDN'T like to try FIRST_. It's heads. So Jasper go second,"

Emmett practically lit up like a Christmas tree. "Really? HAHAHA! Now Jazz, YOU have to pay me back with the newest Lamborghini!"

"Shut it, Em. Just serve you damn thing," said Jasper. "You get your car,"

Emmett grinned elfishly. "One Emmett's Pizza serving right up!" and opened the right silver platter.

We all peered at the dish. It was indeed a pizza, but what threw me were the slightly burned ingredients lying on top of the dough base.

Something old, something new, something horrid, something blue…

Why am I reminded horribly of the "somethings" needed in a wedding?

"Emmett," I asked weakly, trying to retain my professional position as a judge/guinea pig. "What exactly did you put on your, er, Emmett's Pizza?"

"Well, madam, I opened that shelf over there," said Emmett importantly, pointing to one of Esme's kitchen shelves. "And I saw all those ingredients, and I was like, wow, man, humans eat all these food? So I took everything down from the shelf – "

"Mind you, Bella" said Jasper. "When he says everything, he _means_ everything,"

I gulped.

"Shut up, Jasper. I'm the one who's talking here," snapped Emmett. "So, I saw this powder kind of thing called 'Make your own pizza base' and I remember '_Hey, didn't Bella loves pizza? I'm so gonna win this thing! Then Jasper would have to pay me by buying all the islands in Dubai - "_

"Emmett, just follow your story," said Edward tiredly. I suffered down a laughter. Edward probably "hear" this the second time.

"All right, pushy," grumbled Emmett. "Ok. So I followed all the instruction on the package – "

"And breaking Esme's stirrer and porcelain mixing bowl," added in Edward.

"Shut up!" said Emmett. "Anyway, when I broke the bowl it was too messy, so I threw it away and mix a second bowl, okay? And I didn't break the bowl again," Emmett looked annoyed and guilty at the same time. I tried not to laugh. I'm going to get stomachache after this. "_Anyway_, I make the dough and rolled it with the pin – _and I did not break the pin in two_- and the instruction said 'now put in all your favourite pizza ingredient', so I did,"

I stared down at the pizza again. There seemed to be…

"I put in things called gummy bears, gummy worms, this weird gummy pizza and gummy hamburgers. I figured I needed something _not_ gummy, so I open the fridge and saw salmon! I knew Jasper wanted salmon so I took it first – _ha, take that, Jasper! I win!_- and put it. Also, I saw this weird yellow thing called cheddar. When Eddie said it's called cheese, I suddenly remember human put cheese on their pizza! So, TA DA! Emmett's Special Pizza,"

"He also refrained from mentioning that he also put in mustard, tomatos, pickles and a tough old bacon," said Edward.

"Shut up, Eddie!" Emmett said indignantly. Then he turned and looked at me.

He looked like a four-year-old child who had drawn a painting and was excited in showing his mum. His wide, bright smile reminded me too much of Carlisle's hopeful smile when he cooked. I felt so guilty at treating Carlisle by vomiting all his cooking out. But there's seemed to be more "something" on top of the pizza. I gulped, and smiled bravely at Emmett and said,

"That' really thoughtful of you, Emmett. Cheese is my favourite pizza topping,"

"HA! See, Jazz? I did it right! _Put in all your favourite pizza topping_!"

Jasper rolled his eyes and looked exasperated.

"Um, Emmett?" I called. "What is that blue thing?"

"That's blueberries!" cried Emmett excitedly. "I saw this bag of dried blue things called blueberries and put it in! There's cranberries, strawberries and mix-and-match berries – _I never heard of THAT kind of berry, though, Bella_ – I thought the pizza needed a little something blue,"

Yes. My pizza resembled a rainbow, I thought silently. It looked like Emmett had real fun decorating my pizza with all the gummy candies. He even put on a happy smile with pickles and a dash of mustard.

Why is Emmett so weird? He just opened one rack that's filled with gummy food and just dumped everything inside. But I suddenly remember one of the shelves Edward had opened early: it was filled with canned food. I could have a sardine/baked beans/ corns/ lima beans/ ABC soup/bell pepper/pineapple pizza.

"Try it!" said Emmett excitedly.

I smiled weakly, and took a piece, and bit carefully.

**I don't know if it's funny enough for you, about the Emmett pizza, so it'd be nice if you guys tell me about it!**

**Thanks! Review, if you please! I promise more tomorrow!**


	11. Chapter 11

**Once again I would like to thanks most heartily for all of you who had reviewed and add me to alerts and favourites! I am really happy and touched! Thank you for sticking with me in this Cullens mess in the kitchen!**

**The little information about Civil Wars are found in Wikipedia and also taken from **_**Gone with The Wind**_** by Margaret Mitchell. There could be mistakes, so forgive me! I did not live during the Civil War times!**

**Disclaimer: No, I don't own Twilight, Civil War or sushi.**

**Chapter 11 - Civil War Sushi**

I took all my willpower not to spit it out.

"Um, this is really creative, Emmett," I said slowly, swollowing it with a gulp that should win the Nobel Bravery Prize. The pizza base was not completely cooked, and the gummy bears overcooked. How did that happen? Oh, by the way, gummy bears don't go well with salmon. It tasted like a fish that has been dead for a week.

Thank god Edward can't read my mind.

"That's all?" said Emmett sadly. I swore his lips trembled.

"Well, I shall give my final opinion when I'm done with both dishes, Emmett. Trust me, it's for the best," I said diplomatically.

"Ok," said Emmett. Then he brightened. "But you like mine best, isn't it?"

I smiled weakly, resisting the urge to roll my eyes.

"Jasper, what have you cooked?" I turned to Jasper, facing him with a smile.

He bowed at me, and opened his silver platter with a flourish.

"Since Carlisle prepared something he liked from his human life, I figured I should prepare something I remembered most in my human life to. There's one memory stood more prominently than all others, and that is the food I ate during the Civil War,"

I kind of blew me off when he said Civil War. Though I knew he's a major during the Civil War before he got bitten, it still kind of threw me. It was like someone had said, "Hello, my name is Jasper Whitlock, and I was a major during the Civil Wars, pleasure to meet you,"

"And what do you eat in Civil War?" I asked interestedly.

"Salted pork for good days, hominy in worse time, when the blockage got worse sometimes not at all. I remembered for a month I had to go barefoot," he looked kind of wistful when he recalled his past days. "It was horrible, but lucky because I didn't contract any diseases. Coffee and sugar are a blessing. The Yankees got everything but we, the Southerners, the Confederates, none at all! Damn the Yankees! They know nothing of - "

"Jasper, calm down!" called Carlisle, who walked next to Jasper and put a hand on his shoulder to calm him. Jasper was suddenly energetic and patriotic, affecting the rest of us. I found out I have tears in my eyes, and Emmett and Edward was standing straight, with their hands on their backs, eyes blazing with patriotism for their country.

Jasper took a calming breath, and said, "I'm sorry, Bella. I have no love for the Yankees,"

I looked back to the silver platter, and saw what Jasper had prepared.

"Um, sushi? I thought sushi is Japanese food…" I trailed off blinking.

On the platter was little rice rolls arranged like a Confederate army flag. The sushi was rice wrapped in crispy seaweed, and between the rice was something brown. Jasper had even cut tomatoes into shapes of rose as a decoration.

It actually looked tasty.

"Just because he make a picture out of his rice doesn't mean it's good, Bella," whispered Emmett by my ear.

Jasper leaned over and smacked Emmett's head.

"This is a new creation, Bella. Alice and I went to Japan last week and I got my inspiration there," he then explained to me. "I used Japanese rice and nori (that's the seaweed) of the highest quality, wrapped with salted pork. Don't worry, Bella," he added. "I have scraped off the excess salt off the meat, so you wouldn't have high blood pressure. the tomatoes represented my love for the Confederates, and how bitterly I still regret that we have lost,"

Jasper raised his head and saluted to me, and said, "For the love of my lost country, I present you Civil War sushi, created by Major Jasper Whitlock," said Jasper solemnly. "Please try, Bella, and tell me if it is good or bad,"

He handed me a pair of chopsticks and brought me a small plate of sauce with some green goo on it.

"This, madam, is soy sauce and wasabi. They are excellent with sushi, or so I've been told,"

I took the chopsticks, and picked up, with some difficulty, a piece of sushi. I was touched by the story, but after I've had pig's blood, I don't really feel like having pig's meat.

"Here goes for nothing," I thought, and ate it with a swift chew.

**Guess who will win the bet? Chapter 12 tomorrow! Don't worry - you haven't see the last end of the Cullens' boys cooking. A naughty sneak peak: they better watch out or they'll all be whipped!**

**Haha! Please review!**


	12. Chapter 12

**Dear people, I'm so sorry! There's has been some problem with the internet.. I posted chapter 11 yesterday but it didn't work. So, here am I posting both Chapter 11 and 12 together for you**

**Oh, yeah, prepare to be surprise. **

**Disclaimer: No I don't own Twilight. **

**Chapter 12 – The Last Sweet Bet**

Ohhhhhhhh!

I can't believe what I'm eating! I can't believe what I'm thinking! I can't believe that Jasper made this. Jasper, an ex-Confederate major, an almost 200 year old vampire**, **a _guy_, actually made this kind of food.

I believe I am crazy for saying this but… Jasper's sushi were actually _good_.

I took another piece, and chew it carefully. Mmmmmm! With the green thing, wasabi, it kind of enhance the taste. The salted pork is actually quite nice. This is really good.

Jasper suddenly jumped up and said, "_Yes!" _We all turned to look at him. I smiled. He must've read my emotions to know that I like his dish. I nodded and clapped.

"NO!" Emmett cried, apparently thinking along the same line as me. "NO! Jasper can't have won! HE doesn't even have salmon on his sushi!"

"Dude," said Jasper euphorically. It made me giddy, too. "One doesn't use only salmon for sushi,"

"And one doesn't normally put salmon on pizza, Emmett," I said. "Alright! You guys know my decision! Jasper won, fair and square. This sushi is amazing!"

Then Jasper did something he had never did before: he pulled me up and gave me a crushing hug. He looked at me with bright happy golden eyes and said, "Thank you, Bella!" and even kissed my cheeks.

"Aw, Jasper," I said, embarrassed. "It's nothing. You won, fair and square,"

Jasper smiled and gave me another hug. Carlisle and Edward were clapping and patting Jasper on the back. Everyone was happy for Jasper.

I yawned. "Alright. I'm really tired. So pay up you guys, twenty thousand dollars,"

Emmett snarled and slammed his fist on the table.

There was a crack.

"Holy shit," swore Emmett.

"And a new table for Esme," I said faintly.

"Here, Bella," said Jasper, handing me a check. There it was, in black and white, USD $ 20,000. "It's from Emmett and I. Thank you for being such a great judge!"

"Why are you paying for Emmett?" I asked, tucking the check in my pocket, while my head was screaming, _You've got TWENTY THOUSAND BUCKS. TWENTY THOUSAND. TWENTY FREAKING THOUSAND. _

"Oh, I'm not," said Jasper with a smirk. "It's all from Emmett. You see, we had another bet. We bet that the one lost is going to pay the twenty thousand,"

I shrugged. Though that was not the initial deal, but I was too tired and too happy to care. I got the twenty thousand dollars. That's all matter.

"NO!" screamed Emmett. He jumped in front of Jasper, and said,

"One last bet. You, me, dessert for Bella,"

"Em, you've already have twelve bet with Jasper in this cooking bet alone," said Edward.

"So what? Thirteen is a great number," said Emmett.

"Thirteen is an evil number, Em. Remember always when we reached the thirteen bet in a game, we get spanked off by Esme? Dude, I am so not betting this with you. Oh, yeah, so now you're getting me a British castle filled with Chanel clothes, an island next to Isle Esme, four new sports car and you're going to dress up as Santa Claus while persuade Rosalie she's Mrs. Claus," said Jasper. "Merry Christmas!"

"Argh!" screamed Emmett and he lunged at Jasper. They're about to have a serious fight and breaking Esme's antique dining table when I screamed,

"All right! All right! Emmett, you get your bet! You and Jasper are going to prepare me a dessert! And the one who lose is going to give me a house next to this one, filled with books!"

Emmett smiled.  
>"I'm in," then he threw his frightening glance that could kill a bear in a shoot to Jasper. "You, Major Jasper Whitlock?"<p>

Jasper smartened his shirt. "I'm in,"

"Ok," I said rapidly. "You and Jasper are going to prepare a wafer with ice-cream in ten minutes flat. You'll have to make the wafer yourself but you can buy the ice-cream. Starting, now!"

**Review please if you like! Chapter 13 tomorrow.. and you know 13 is an unlucky number...**


	13. Chapter 13

**Hey, guys! Sorry I didn't post yesterday... I tried to log in but there seems to be a problem. So I can't upload this chapter and let you guys to read it! I'm excited about this!**

**Also, thank you all so much who had reviewed and add me to alerts and favourites! I really appreciated it!**

**Disclaimer: No, I do not own Twilight. Not even a piece of wafer. **

**Chapter 13 – Yes, 13 Is A Bad Luck Number**

I never knew the true meaning of "fast" until I "see" how Jasper and Emmett worked in the kitchen.

To my weak human eyes I could decipher almost nothing but a blur of movement. But I could hear, and there was never so big a mess ever created. Emmett had to buy three more electronic mixers in order to make a wafer mix, and in the end he just throw all the machine away and use his vampire speed to stir up the ingredients. It was successful, but not before he broke two other of Esme's mixing bowls. He had burned his first piece of wafer and let the other go undercooked. There was a lot of swearing accompanying his wafer-making process. Carlisle kept stifling his laughter and Edward looked he might spontaneously combust if he doesn't laugh out loud.

Jasper, on the other hand, seemed to be encourage by my apparent delight in his sushi, he cooked like a professional. Jasper had this single-minded determination as he worked, doing everything so swift and precise that I had totally missed everything until his wafers were cooked.

"… ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two…one! Time's up. Dropped everything you have in your hands, freeze!" said Edward.

Emmett literally froze. He dropped the big porcelain spoon he was holding into the sink with a big clank. I think he had broke all the porcelains in the house. We heard something cracked. He cursed again. Jasper, on the other hand, put down the syrup bottle gently after he signed his name on the wafer with a flourish.

The Emmett side of kitchen looked like a hurricane had passed through the land of flour, eggs and butter. He had flour all down his shirt, and chocolate syrup was splatted over Esme's spotless white wall like art. His golden eyes wild.

The Jasper side of the kitchen was messy, but tolerable. He only broke a stirrer and cracked an egg the wrong way: by holding the entire egg in his palm and crushed it. The eggshells were crushed to dust. It looked spotless next to Emmett's kitchen.

"Present your wafers," I said.

Jasper took up his perfect plate of wafer with strawberry ice-cream and real strawberries topped with whipped cream and marked with caramel syrup and almond flakes and placed it on the table. Emmett's plate wasn't that bad: the wafers were not burned, and he had chocolate ice-cream and syrup. It was really good for Emmett already.

Both dishes actually looked edible, and quite appealing, too.

"Jasper, before Bella start tasting, I would like to give _this_ to you,"

With the word _this_, he threw a piece of wafer with ice-cream to Jasper face.

The wafer ice-cream hit Jasper's face square on the nose. We watched as the wafer dropped to the floor and the ice-cream slid slowly down from Jasper perfect nose. Jasper stared at Emmett like he imagined Emmett was already a piece of dead meat, before grabbing two eggs with vampire speed and hurled it to Emmett's face.

"That's it, sucker!" Emmett yelled.

If you never fought in a food fight, I recommended you not to try it with vampires.

The kitchen was just about _overturned_ with food. Emmett threw everything at Jasper that's within his reach: eggs, flour, butter, syrup, salmon, mustard, tomatoes, the silver spoon and a bowl. Jasper growled and hurled a toaster to Emmett, which blasted apart when it made contact with Emmett's stone chest. Emmett got so angry he took up the oven and hurled it at Jasper.

"Stop it! STOP IT!" Carlisle yelled. "You both are grounded for eternity! STOP IT THIS INSTANCE!"

Like miracle, they stopped.

But it wasn't Carlisle's threat that stopped the food fight. Carlisle was looking as if he was about to drag to Hell; Edward looked like he had peed in his pants; Jasper saw the direction they're looking, he turned, and froze; Emmett noticed the sudden quietness of everyone, he frowned and started to say,

"What the hell…"

He turned to the direction of the kitchen door. He dropped the dishwasher he was holding.

Standing at the door, was Esme.

"Hello, boys," she said, her voice dangerously sweet. "We're back,"

**Muahahahaha!**


	14. Chapter 14

**Hey, guys! Thanks for all the reviews again! I just want to say one thing: I put 13 as an unlucky number just for the whole fun of it! It's funny. The thirteenth bet, the thirteenth chapter... **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. **

**Chapter 14 – Esme Strikes Back!**

Esme looked like a vampire.

Her eyes were pitch black and wide open. Her mouth opened in a snarl. She was in her attack position, ready to pounce to devour her prey with a malicious growl. I turned timidly around, and saw that even Emmett was afraid.

Flanking behind Esme was Alice and Rosalie. Alice was stifling giggles between visions she received. Rosalie was surveying the war zone with a smirk.

Oh, my god. This is it. The end of the Cullen boys...

"Well, boys," said Esme. Her voice was still dangerous. I've never seen my sweet, lovable future mother-in-law like this before. It's worse than the Volturi. All the Volturi could do was to kill us; but what Esme could do would be…

Let's not think about it.

"So," said Esme. "We've been away for approximately 36 hours, and you destroyed half of my kitchen. You have also destroyed my walls, creating a mess that could hardly be described! I thought you, Carlisle, would behave better; I thought you, Edward, are always responsible; I thought you, Jasper, are always faithful to your orders; and I thought _you_, Emmett, have learnt your lessons!" Esme's voice cracked like a whip. "But apparently NOT!"

The boys were too frightened to say anything.

"For the last century I can never rest in peace when I left for even an hour. You all managed to spoil all that I love in this house, damaging everything regardless antique or new. I thought last time when you tore off the roof was enough. But this has shown me that you, you, you and _you_ needed harsher treatments. Well, you get your death wish today!"

Esme glared at her husband and sons with eyes that were so dark there seemed to be fire burning behind it. It felt like Hell's eyes. No one said anything. I was really frightened. Carlisle looked like he just wish he was dead, Edward and Jasper both guilty and remorseful. Emmett pouted like a child caught by his mother when he did something bad.

Emmett muttered, "We're already dead," but quickly bowed his head when Esme shot him her deathly glare.

"Would anyone of you would like to explain first?" asked Esme. It sounded more like a threat.

"Bella started it," Emmett pouted.

Carlisle, Jasper and Edward turned slowly to Emmett. They all glared at Emmett, who just realised what he was saying. He covered his mouth with his hands, and uttered a soft "oops".

I looked at Esme's black eyes, and literary froze.

"Emmett McCarthy Cullen!" Esme growled. "Don't you _attempt_ to push this off as Bella's fault! She's kind enough already at eating what you've cook! Now you've made yourself in double punishment! Edward! Speak!"

"Um...I felt like I want to cook so I did. But it turned out badly so Carlisle took over. Jazz and Em were just curious," said Edward lightly, but he shrink as his mother's rage.

"No, Esme. It was me," I said smally. "I was hungry, so I asked Edward to cook for me. But it really didn't turn out well. Carlisle was just being helpful so he cooked, too,"

"What about that two rascals?" snarled Esme at the direction of Jasper and Emmett. Emmett looked like he's going to protest at being called a rascal but thought the better of it. Jasper felt so remorseful that everyone was affected.

"Pull yourself up, Jasper!" Esme snapped. "Explain yourself,"

"Ma'am," said Jasper. "I only burn a cloth. But Emmett started the food fight. I guess - I guess I lost control,"

Esme finally stood up from her attack position. She growled a little.

"Very well. It is as Alice saw," Esme said. Except for Carlisle, the boys glared at Alice, who was jumping up and down like a pixie. "Now. You boys are going to clean up the kitchen in twenty minutes. Replace all you have broken and all the groceries. I want my kitchen to be back as the state that I left. After that, I shall deal with your personal punishments. Now GO!"

Carlisle, Edward and Jasper positively fled to clean up the mess. Emmett threw a last glare at Alice before punching his fist on the table to let go his anger.

The table cracked into two.

"Emmett McCarthy Cullen!"

**Do you think Emmett will be save from a broken faith? Stress on the word "broken"! Review, please! Tell me what you think the punishments that could bestow upon the unruly Cullen males!**


	15. Chapter 15

**Hey, guys! Sorry it took me three days to upload this for you! I was hammering about how to lay out the punishments, and decided the best way is to let them have a own taste of their medicine! This story is also getting to an end in a few chapters... so, review please! Tell me what you would like - next!**

**Disclaimer: I do not owe Twilight!**

**Chapter 15 – The Punishments **

Emmett ran away.

He chickened out. Just one look at Esme's murderous face was enough to convince him he would not be accepted in the house for a century. Emmett jumped through the kitchen window, which thankfully he did not break because he had opened it before to throw all the pots and electronic stirrers outside, and practically disappear into the forest. Carlisle and Edward managed to stop Esme from chasing her son.

"Let me go!" Esme snapped. Her husband and son released her. She looked calm enough. You three, clean up! I'm going to take a deep breath,"

Esme stalked away, and nobody followed her. I caught Carlisle's eyes and saw he smiled a little, and suddenly I giggled. I think Esme went to the garage.

"Go on, guys!" urged Alice. "Clean up! She's serious! If you don't clean up when she come back, you're all going to be disowned!"

"How can Esme disown Carlisle when he created her?" asked Jasper as the boys worked around the kitchen.

"Well, Esme had Carlisle's heart. That's all the weapon she needs," Alice smirked. "As do I,"

"Oh, no, Alice!" Jasper groaned. "Why didn't you warn us!"

"I wanted to," Alice admitted. "But I told Esme my vision first. I didn't see the vision until we're shopping in Upper East Side. It's Bella's split decision. I only see the outcomes,"

"Jesus, Bella," said Jasper, who sounded so weird in using the Holy Name. "Next time you have a split decision, don't tell us immediately,"

"Hey! You're the one who get worked up by Emmett's bet!" I protested.

"Jasper, it's not Bella's fault," said Carlisle. Edward was growling. "We all had our mistakes… I am not myself today. I shouldn't let you all get out of hand. Well, now the worse is done we might as well accept it,"

Carlisle looked so sad that we all kept our mouth shut.

"You only have eight more minutes and you have to replace all the broken stuff and food," said Rosalie, looking pointedly at her watch. "I suggest you start running,"

"Alright, Carlisle, you stay here! Jazz, let's go!" Edward yelled, and ran out of the door with Jasper before you could say "Emmett's underpants".

Carlisle picked up a mop to wipe out the disaster, but I quickly walked towards him and said,

"Let me do it, Carlisle," he looked at me with surprise. "I have as much fault in this as any of you. I think you should throw away all the broken stuff and hid them before Esme sees,"

He smiled warmly at me. "Thank you, Bella,"

So I worked as quickly as I could. Alice was pacing in the living room, freezing at some moment when she received further visions. Rosalie was surveying the kitchen to see if we had missed something.

"Thirty seconds," Rosalie warned.

Just in time Edward and Jasper came back with a handful of boxes. There's a new oven, dishwasher, toaster, stirrer, porcelain bowls and about a few bags full of groceries that could keep a family of ten full for a month. They distributed all the goods into the shelves, wiped up any little speak of dust Rosalie spotted, and just about complete everything when Esme returned from the garage.

She took a long time surveying her kitchen, checked every cupboard, electrical appliances and the walls. The dining table had not been removed, but she said nothing. At last, it was a long wait for the vampires (10 minutes), she said,

"Well, boys. You did a well," the Cullens males visibly exhaled. "Now is the time for your punishments," Esme smiled darkly.

"I figured out that after so many types of punishments has been bestowed on you, from whipping, breaking your arms, to separating you from your mates for two years is enough to cure your undying boy passion, now, I abandon the old rules. As you have turned the house upside down by cooking, then your punishment is to _cook_,"

"What?" said Edward.

"I can't cook," said Carlisle, rather desperately.

Jasper was having a debate with himself whether this was a good punishment or a bad one, as he could actually cook.

"But that's not all. You are all banished to Isle Esme for three months to learn cooking without the help of anyone or the Internet. Plus, you have to EAT every dish that you cook so that you know it's delicious or not," the boys turned white. "We are going to put cameras everywhere to record your every move, now everywhere MEANS everywhere, including the toilets. Now that you, Carlisle, have a three month's holiday from the hospital,"

"I do?" said Carlisle in astonishment.

"And you, Edward, have no Bella as a distraction;"

"You can't do this to me!" Edward exclaimed.

"And you, Jasper, with no more duty to protect Alice for the three months, I am positive you will become a great cooks in the vampire history,"

"What about Emmett," Jasper protested.

"Oh, don't worry," Esme grinned wickedly. "He's going off to exile with you all, too. But, it he break one of my utensils or furniture or the HOUSE _my_ island, one item will cost him one extra week in exile. And for the punishment of breaking my antique table," everyone glanced nervously at the broken table. Esme growled. "Emmett is going to carved an exact table as this one by his own bare hands, instead of always just buying stuffs with the credit cards and Carlisle had to pay up the bills!"

"NO!" Emmett suddenly appeared.

"Yes, Emmett," said Esme. "Do you want me to add extra?"

"NO!" said Emmett, quickly diminished.

"Well," said Esme. "Do any of you rascals wish to add something?"

The four guilty Cullens shook their head remorsefully.

"Wait!" I cried desperately. "I am in fault too! Let me go to Isle Esme too! I can't live without Edward!"

Esme rolled her eyes. "Bella, it's only for three months. Plus, you get to see them all the time in the cameras. Relax, Bella. If I can survive three years without Carlisle, you can survive three months without Edward. Anyway, think of the separation as your punishment too."

I sighed, defeated.

"Alright! You flight will leave in half an hour, so I suggest you start going to the airport," said Esme sweetly. "I am going to send you to Isle Esme personally with Rosalie. If you even have a _thought_ of escaping, beware. I will hunt you down, and you wish you had never been born!"

**So the Cullen males are off to exile! Haha! I will conclude the story probably in two chapters... so, review! I am curious if I can reach 100 reviews for this story! Just a sayin' - no pressure! **


	16. Chapter 16

**I thought I might wrap this up in two chapters and not saying much about the exile… BUT I never knew you guys were keen to know what's going to happen! So, a big thanks to all of you, again, who had so patiently read all the chapters and review each and every one of them! I love you guys so much!**

**So, to thank you guys, I guess you're still stuck with a few more chapters about the boys who got stuck in Isle Esme for exile….. BEWARE: major vomiting might occur!**

**Disclaimer: Still do not own Twilight!**

Chapter 16 – Boys In Exile Island and Their Pregnancy **  
><strong>

Special Chapter: Carlisle's POV

So we flew to Brazil without so much as a warning and were sent to Isle Esme without so much as a kiss from my beloved – now in wraith – wife. I felt depressed. We all felt depressed. Not only we were thousands of miles away from all of our mates, but we had to learn to cook and EAT all that we had cook.

"Now, boys," said my Esme sweetly. "You are now in exile. Cameras are placed in every corner of this house. If you attempt to break them," she glared at Emmett, who covered. "You will be sure to stuck in this island for YEARS, not MONTHS. Am I understood?"

"Yes, mum," the boys chorused.

Esme looked at me. "Yes, mum," I said with my head bowed. Esme smiled in satisfaction.

"You are to learn to cook. Because when you come back, you are going to cook for humans to eat. That's your test and punishment. I realised that performing punishments is not enough. I cannot obtain satisfactory results from your punishments. At least now I am sure I can see some promising improvements,"

She got back into the boat where Rosalie was waiting with a huge smirk, and said,

"Goodbye, boys! See you in three months!" and drove away.

When the boat was well gone, the four of us threw ourselves to the ground and looked up at the dark night.

"What have we gotten ourselves into?" Edward sighed.

"Rose didn't even kiss me goodbye," Emmett muttered.

"How can Alice not tell us!" Jasper groaned.

I said nothing. When the boys are in this mood, it's best to leave them alone.

The waves lapped gently to the shore, and a warm breeze blew past, shaking the coconut trees. I closed my eyes, feeling my tension and pressure eased up.

"Look, boys, we have to do what Esme says," I said. "No use saying we can't. Aren't we the strongest vampire family on Earth? We're the Cullens! We can do it!"

"Yeah!" Emmett cried. "Don't let the girls laugh at us!"

"We'll show them it just cooking!" Jasper punched his hands together.

"We can cook a feast for Bella when we're back," said Edward brightly. "Also the wolves, to show them the vampires can cook up a heaven!"

"Yeah!" we cried, and stood up.

"I'm going to cook an Italian feast!" Edward swore.

"I am going to prepare the best pizza ever!" Emmett said. "And open a shop so no one would ever say Emment can't cook!"

"I will devote my time to be a master in Japanese cuisine!" was Jasper resolution.

"And I, will create the best black pudding and English meal ever!" I vowed. We looked at each other with confident smiles.

"Cullen boys rock!" we put our hands in the middle and slapped five. Then, patting at each other's back, we walked confidently into the house, as if we were going to meet a deadly army and conquer them until all not even a celery stick go unharmed.

Bella's POV

The boys had been in exile for a week now, and though I missed Edward terribly, by spending time watching him cook through the cameras was a real fun too. In fact, it makes me feel better without him by my side.

"Ha ha ha ha ha! Oh, my god! Emmett burned it again! Oh, god! Look, Carlisle is splattered with blood! Oh, my god! This is hilarious!"

I walked into the Cullen's living room, now a headquarter for "The Cullens Surveillance Network". There're about ten televisions, controls and headphones. Everything was sophisticated and arranged in a professional manner, except for Alice who was rolling with laughter on the carpet.

"Hey, Alice!" I walked eagerly forward, and saw, just in time, the pizza base burst into flames.

The next scene was even better. Emmett tried to take the base and throw it to the basin, but he yelled suddenly, and the pizza base fell to the floor.

"I'm on fire! Carlisle, help! I'm on fire!" Emmett ran wildly around the kitchen until he was sprayed by the fire extinguisher by Carlisle, who extinguised the burning pizza base, too.

"Emmett had set himself on fire seven times already! If he keeps on that way, he's going to end up like the Darth Vader," Alice said between fits of giggles.

"Where's Jasper and Edward?" I asked, staring at all ten televisions but saw no signs of the mentioned boys.

"In the toilet, morning sickness!" Rosalie came in, with a huge smirk. I laughed. They refer the boys' vomiting after eating as "morning sickness', which, judging by the times they vomit, it was true.

"Here," Alice clicked something on the controls and two of the TV showed both Edward and Jasper vomiting out the food they had consumed.

"Hahaha!" I laughed. "Oh, god! They looked like they're very pregnant!"

I can't wait to see how they would turn out after the exile: how many fingers must they sacrifice before they bacame master chefs!

**Tell me if you like more details about the Exile boys so I can write more! Review, if you please!**


	17. Chapter 17

**Well, hello again! Thank you so much for all the reviews received! You guys gave me the inspiration and motivation to set forward again! So yeah, I've decided to continue it with bits and thats from the Exile Island... just so you know, the boys are not going to take it in!  
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**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN TWILIGHT. **

Chapter 17 – The Secret Underwater Meeting

Special Chapter: Emmett's POV

I wiped the last bits of pizza away from my mouth angrily. The other three boys had slumped around the house, exhausted after a vomiting spree. I knew the girls called our vomiting as morning sickness. Dang them! First they punish us, then they put cameras in the toilets, and laughed at us when we barf. Is there any justice in this world?

I walked into the living room, where Carlisle was lying in the couch looking paler than usual. He was closing his eyes, and I decided he needed some cheering up. I crept silently over and yelled as loud as I dared without breaking the window,

"IS IT A BOY OR A GIRL?"

Carlisle just about jumped up three feet and almost knock off the roof. He looked wildly around, and when he spotted me laughing on the floor, he just sighed and threw himself on the couch again.

"Enough, Emmett. I'm exhausted, alright? I've just gag up about a galleon of blood,"

I looked at him, pulled a sympathetic face, and whispered in his ear, "You did a great job, man. It's a girl,"

Carlisle glared at me. His eyes were pitch black because of all the morning sickness. I swear, Carlisle got the worse of the sickness out of all of us. Such a sissy.

"Emmett," he said to me in a warning tone.

"Carlisle got a gi-rl, Carlisle got a gi-rl," I sang and danced out of his reach. He growled and I ran, and he chased me down to the sea.

"Damn it, Emmett! I had just cleaned myself! Now you got sand all over my shirt!" Edward complained as Carlisle chased me to the beach.

I kicked more sand to Edward and got some in his mouth. In less than a second I had two furious vampires chasing my butt. I ran into the ocean and yelled,

"You cannot catch me! You cannot catch me! For I'm the ginger-bread vampire!"

And I got slam dunked by Edward, Carlisle and Jasper, because I accidentally stepped on Jasper's hand when I ran.

Before anyone could speak, Edward coughed and vomited a hell load of pasta into the ocean.

"Hell, Eddie-boy!" I protested. "You're polluting the beautiful beach of Isle Esme! Esme's gonna kill us!"

Edward vomited another pile of spaghetti and did not answer. Oh, god. It's bad enough that I had to vomit it, but to see it live via the mouth of Edward...

Now, don't get us wrong. Vampire's vomit was not like human. Human are still by far the most disgusting creatures on earth. We vomit it out kind of like cats vomit fur ball. Not, that I mean there's any fur in our sick. But it goes out like a chunk of tightly pressed _thing, _depends on what you eat. It's disgustingly fascinating because sometimes it's coated with blood. Like what Edward had coughed up now. But it's kind of serious when you cough up blood because it means your body ain't function no good.

"Yay! Eddie-boy coughed up blood! The second one in the family!" I cheered. Edward threw me a dirty look before submerging himself in the sea, but came out quickly again.

"Shouldn't have done that," he muttered.

"This got to stop!" Jasper said angrily, patting Edward on the back harder than intended, which made Edward coughed up his lunch again. "Edward and Carlisle are already exhausted, and this is only our second week! If we go on like this we'd be dehydrated!"

Carlisle groaned. "But how? I cannot defy Esme anymore!"

"I – I don't know," Jasper said.

I looked around. It was really dark out here, and only a few coconut trees swayed around. And right at the moment, I got one of my Emmett's Genius.

"I know!" I said excitedly.

They looked at me suspiciously.

"Come on, guys," I groaned. "Give the Em some credit, okay? Look around: in the beach there could be no cameras because there's no place to put them up! So we do this, we cook all the food in the morning and bring it outside to eat at night. But, we only pretend to eat. They wouldn't know,"

Carlisle was nodding his head. Jasper probably thinking this suggestion in a military strategic manner. Even Edward looked impressed.

"Okay, here's what we'll do," said Jasper in his best major voice. "We'll scout area tomorrow, and if it's clear, we'll do it. If it goes on, I think we're going to have the first vampires in history that actually faints,"

Edward glared at him. "Shut it already, okay?"

I grinned. "Alright, troop! Let's go inside and do some more cooking! For all we know, this might be our last human supper!"

**Whaddaya think? Poor Carlisle! Poor Edward! Their gentlemanly figures complete ruined! Haha! Review, please! **


	18. Chapter 18

**Thank you so much guys! Your reviews meant a lot to me! I love you guys so much! **

**So here's a chapters about the girls... sometimes even the toughest nut must crack! Also, that little Esme-leaving-Carlisle history is something that I made up... so it's not true. Tee hee...**

Chapter 18 – Let Them Be!

ALICE's POV

I watched the screen, looking at Edward vomiting the hell out.

"It looked serious," said Rosalie. For once, she was genuine.

"No! Edward! Not again! He ate two plates of pasta today... Stupid! Why did you eat so much? Alice, please tell me he's going to be alright. Alice?"

I snapped out from my visions, and managed a wane smile at Bella. She looked close to tears. But I was seething inside. I couldn't believe what I saw. Do Emmett really thing he could fool me? Jesus, when Esme found out they're all going to be barbecued and thrown to the wolves.

When I didn't answer Bella, she immediately thought of the worst scenario and put her face in her hand. Rosalie bit her lips, and patted Bella on her back.

"They're going to be okay," Rosalie soothed. "They're vampires. They'll find a way,"

I watched the scene, touched. Rosalie was really trying to like Bella, but little did she know the boys HAD already found a damn way. I watched the TV again, and saw that Carlisle and Jasper were cleaning the kitchen, while Emmett and Edward were walking around the beach.

_Scouting_ around the beach, or I should say.

Suddenly, I got hit by another vision.

_"We found it! We found it!" Emmett cried excitedly. They had swam out to the open sea and far away from any cameras. _

_ "Where?" Carlisle asked._

_ "At the back of the house, where there're a pile of stones. The stones are really high and there's no camera around. We can dump all the food there!" said Emmett._

_ "Really? Are you sure it could work, Edward?"_

_ Edward nodded. "Yes. We've sniffed out all the holes and sands and there's no camera. We can dig a hole and just dump all the food inside,"_

Curse them! I thought silently and began to switch the camera channels. We have placed fifty-seven cameras around the house, and I can't believe they might actually find a spot there's safe from the camera's eye.

"Dang it!" I said as my fears were confirmed.

"What is it Alice?" Rosalie and Bella asked, afraid.

Before I could reply, something in the TV pulled my attention. Jasper.

Oh, my god! Jasper! My Jasper was vomiting again. He had made egg sushi today, and with a bet against Emmett, he had also chuck in a whole tube of wasabi in his dead system.

"Blood! Yes, I am the survival!" Emmett screamed! "Jasper cough up blo-od, Jasper cough up blo-od!" he danced around the toilet and sang.

No! My Jasper coughed up blood! This was really getting a huge toll out of them!

I made my decision. Let them be. Let them hide the food. I will not tell Esme… Let the boys… live!

**ESME'S POV**

I was in my room, and thinking of Carlisle, feeling guilty. Right after I came back from Isle Esme, I regretted my decision. How can I live without Carlisle? I've never been separated from him before! Well, not if you count the three years. I was a newborn and I hated my life then. I needed to get away, like Edward once did. But that was before I realised my feelings for Carlisle. But now I had doomed him to an island in the middle of the ocean and condemned him to cook and to EAT! My heart was wrenched out when I saw him lying in the couch, lifeless like a corpse.

_Esme, technically Carlisle IS a corpse_, I reminded myself sternly. _He's a big boy now. He can take care of himself. _

I wept silently. Oh, god! I regret, so much now that I've hurt Carlisle both emotionally and physically. I wanted to call him and asked if he's alright. Excited by the idea, I pulled out my phone and dialed Carlisle's cellphone.

"Hello?" Carlisle picked up at the second ring.

"Carlisle!" I said, letting my emotions relieved for a second. Then I remembered I was supposed to be angry, so I said coolly.

"How're you?"

"I'm fine, thank you," said Carlisle, surprised and hurt by my coolness.

"Did you make progress?" I asked.

"I think so," he answered uncertainly. "I don't really know. Cooking is totally beyond my medical skills,"

He's trying to make me laugh! Oh, that's Carlisle! Always trying to make people feel good even though he felt like crap.

"Right. You can do it. I believe in you," I let a little sweetness seep into my voice.

He noticed it. I'm sure he smiled. "Thank you, Esme,"

"Is that Esme?" I heard Emmett yelling in the background. "Give me the phone, Carlie! Give - me - the - phone! Hello?"

I heard a grunt, and I am so sure Emmett just wrestled the phone away from Carlisle and "accidentally" punched his gut.

"Emmett! Did you punch Carlisle?" I demanded.

"No! Well, accidentally," he amended as I growled. "Esme, we're really sorry, okay? Don't make us eat anymore! At least let us cook but not eat! Please?"

My heart softened. My will almost crumbled. I opened my mouth to agree, but I couldn't seem to say the small little words. I'm afraid I would say "Come home!" instead of "yes!"

"Emmett, give me back the phone," I heard Carlisle said.

"No!" Emmett cried. There was a confusing moments, which I heard Edward and Jasper shouting, and Carlisle grunted again. Then, I heard something broke.

"Shit! Is that Esme's white vase that we brought in Egypt?" Carlisle whispered.

Oh. My. God.

All my warmth and guitiness and the wish for the boys to come home vanished. Instead I said, "No. You are to continue your punishments and follow everything that I've ordered. No turning down!"

And I slammed the phone shut.

On the other hand...

"Damn, Emmett," Carlisle swore. "I was just getting Esme warming towards us. She almost say she'll lift the punishments! Now see what you've done? You've broke her vase and probably earning another week for us here in exile!"

Emmett looked at his feet unhappily. Edward and Jasper looked like they want to pull Emmett away and tear him to pieces and feed him to the wolves.

"Now there' only one option," said Carlisle grimly. "We will do Plan B. Let's hope Esme won't find out!"

**So what do you think? Hmmmm... Since Alice would not tell... do you think Esme will find out? **

**Review, please! Thanks xxx**


	19. Chapter 19

**Wow! This story has the breakthrough of 100 reviews! Thank you guys so much!**

**I had to apologize for not uploading these four days. I was away to another town for Easter celebration and there's no Internet connection. So *head bow*, I present you the 19th chapter! Please enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN TWILIGHT.**

Chapter 19: Carlisle Gone Mad and Edward Gone Gay

**Bella's POV**

We watched as Carlisle ran around and around the island in vampire speed. I felt kind of sick at watching the motion.

"What is he doing? He's been running round and round for a whole day now!" said Esme, getting more and more nervous at every moment. "He's going to run himself sick!"

"He won't be sick. He'll reach a decision," said Alice, bouncing in her seat. "In, er, about three more days,"

"He's gone mad, hasn't he? After four hundred years he finally gone mad," said Rosalie, shaking her head as Carlisle did a triple somersaults on the sand and took of his shirt as Emmett clapped and cheered.

We all looked at the screen. Life was kind of boring now that the boys were gone. Even Esme felt depressed. No Carlisle looking at us affectionately when he comes home to think how lucky he was; no more Edward to play us music and picking bits of dirty thoughts from our brain; no more Emmett making jokes and creating liveliness to the house; and no more Jasper to cheer us up when we're done.

"I guess we really do need our boys," said Esme quietly.

"Call them home!" I said eagerly.

"No, I can't Bella," Esme smiled at me and shook her head. "If I call them home it showed them I am weak. Though I admit I am weak-willed now, I must be firm. Let them respect me as they should, and perhaps when they come home the furniture might be safer,"

I sighed but nodded. "I understand, Esme. You're totally right. But I should go home now,"

"Bye," the girls waved and I drove back home.

Charlie was in an exceptionally good mood this month when I told him Edward was grounded and was sent away for three months. He whistled when he came back home, do the laundry and even attempt to cook, which made me laugh when his cooking skills can compete against Edward. He totally burn the pasta and almost set fire to the house. What's with the world, anyway? I shook my head in silent laughter when I began to prepare dinner for the night. It seemed that everybody wants to cook.

"Hey, Bells," said Charlie, greeting me when he came home. "How're you?"

"Fine," I said. "I spend the day with the Cullens,"

"How's Edward doing?" he asked, trying to be polite but failed when he couldn't hide his smile.

"Better. He had finally remember to boil the water before putting in the pasta," I threw Charlie a sly smile. "But someone still forget,"

Charlie grunted, and sat done at the chair.

"What's for dinner?" he asked sourly.

"Hot dog buns and mashed potatoes," I replied cheerfully, laughing internally at Charlie's fuming. Got him!

Three days later I went back to the Cullens' house, and the three vampires haven't once move from their positions. They were sitting around the TVs, and staring and just one particular TV.

"Hey, guys!" I called. "What's up?"

"Carlisle had been sitting there on the sand for three days without moving," said Rosalie. "So did we. We're trying to see when he'll crack,"

"In five seconds," said Alice suddenly. "Five, four, three, two... one!"

Right on cue, Carlisle jumped up and rushed into the house. He went straight to the kitchen where Emmett was doing some juggling with pizza base and an apricot. Emmett was so shock as seeing Carlisle he dropped the apricot and stepped on it.

"What are you doing, Carlie?" Emmett asked. Edward and Jasper came from the living room and looked curiously too.

"First, stop calling me Carlie. Second, I've figured out how to cook the perfect English breakfast,"

And Carlisle began to move. He took out pans and pots and food so fast it all appeared to be a blur. There's was a little banging, and some "oops", but as Esme, Rosalie and I watched in exceeding surprise, Carlisle fried the eggs and sausages, boiled and mashed the potatoes, toasted bread and prepared jam and butter and set it all on the counter. It all took less than 10 minutes.

Finally, Carlisle took up the pan, and took out two black pudding carefully, pipping fresh and hot.

"Breakfast is served," said Carlisle in satisfaction. The boys whooped and clapped, and each took a bit of the food, proclaiming Carlisle had cooked the best English meal ever and going to the bathroom to barf it up. But they were happy, the boys. In fact, they were wild. Emmett started to dance a jig, Edward was hugging Carlisle like he wanted to kiss him, and Jasper was singing Ave Maria at the top of his voice.

"One down, three to go!" they exclaimed. "And then they'll all be gone!"

Back in the house, Rosalie, Esme, Alice and I were looking at each other with wide eyes.

"They did it!" I said.

"They really did it!" said Esme.

"They will all suceed," said Alice.

"I guess it's really a good punishment, somehow," said Rosalie. "I think they might come back a better person,"

"That might be a little early to say that, Rose," said Alice with her all-knowing grin.

**More tomorrow, promised! So review this chapter if you please? You want disaster or happily ever after?**


	20. Chapter 20

**Hey, hey, guys! Once again I would like to thanks you guys for all the wonderful reviews! Also, not to mention for all that have add me to alerts or favourites!**

**Oh, yes, did I mention that this chapter consists of Prince William jokes? Sorry ~ just bein' naughty! It IS sad that he's getting married, thought... No wonder Emmett is sad. **

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN TWILIGHT! **

Chapter 20: When You Know Cabbages Ain't No Good Idea

**Speacial Chapter: EDWARD'S POV**

"No! No! NO! Prince William is getting married!" Emmett screamed from the living room.

I sighed. "Emmett, what does Prince William getting married have to do with you making pizza?"

"Because he's my inspiration, my muse, my life!" Emmett sighed, too.

I walked into the living room to find Emmett knelling in front of the TV, with a puppy-dog eye and wiping away fake tears. Jasper had walked out of the room in disgust and Carlisle was diving somewhere about 1000 feet deep in the sea, searching for oyster.

My family had gone mad. There's no oyster that deep in the sea.

Emmett suddenly got up and raised his fist. I rushed in front to stop his fist, saying, "No, Emmett! Don't break the TV!"

Emmett turned to me, his eyes were black, and for a moment the thought of throwing me to break the TV crossed his mind, but he sighed and relaxed his hand, defeated.

"Damn that girl that's marrying Prince William," Emmett mumbled and walked into the kitchen.

I followed him, trying to understand his sudden interest in Prince William. For all I know, Emmett doesn't give a "damn" about royals and humans in general. He thinks they are stupid.

"Emmett, what's with you?" I asked. Emmett was taking out pizza bases and settling to cook. He bang everything on the counter loudly, but not enough to break the marble table.

"Nothing. I hate that girl," he mumbled.

"Emmett, I never knew you're interested in Prince William before," I said, trying to understand. All his thought were pointed to the picture of him holding the prince's hands. "Aren't you in love with Rose? Have you gone mad too?"

Emmett growled and went to the refrigerator. "Every heterosexual man has this feeling for the prince. We looked up to him as a role model. Not that you would know, virgin boy,"

I snarled but otherwise ignored the comment. Emmett was looking through the refrigerator for ingredients, but we're running out of food. Esme comforted us by a call saying that new supply are already on the way. Dang Alice.

"Cabbage, jelly, one small butter... that's left! Why's there like so much cabbage, Eddie-boy?" said Emmett. In his head was just a whole lot of cabbage in the vegetable crisper, looking sad and brown. "Oh, well. Maybe Prince William likes cabbage pizza,"

"Maybe Prince William likes to get sick," said Jasper, returning into the room. "Emmett. Knock out of it, okay? Why have you suddenly got the goo-goo for some stupid prince?"

"Dude, goo-goo is so over," retorted Emmett. "We use perfect English, okay?"

"Hey, did you know Carlisle had once met the king of England?" I said, to distract Emmett. He is now peeling the cabbages sadly and placed them on the pizza base without washing the leaves first.

I think I'm going to skip dinner tonight.

"Really? Was it Prince William's ancestor? Oh, my god! Is he as handsome as William?" Emmett cried.

"They're not related," I sighed exasperatedly. "Forget it,"

Emmett returned sadly to his pathetic cabbage pizza.

"Hey, boys! I caught some oyster!" Carlisle came in, grinning, holding a bag of oysters. We looked at him in astonishment.

"Where on earth did you get it?" I asked in complete bewilderment.

Carlisle frowned a little. "Um. I swam and swam to about Mexico or something. I wasn't sure,"

"Who cares?" Emmett cried excitedly, and he grabbed the bag of oyster away from Carlisle's hands. "Oyster pizza! Prince William would love it!"

Emmett threw all his cabbages outside the window, and began to shell the oyster enthusiastically, thinking that Prince William walking into his pizza shop and declared himself in love with Emmett, and thus marrying Emmett.

Don't ask me why, but I think I'm going to crack too.

**BELLA'S POV**

Today is the first day of the second month of the boys' exile. God, I missed Edward! Out of boredom, I even taught Charlie how to cook, but he wasn't a good student. He still think you can just put the sauce into the microwave, cap and all.

"What happened? What happened?" I asked anxiously when I arrived to the Cullens' house and found Esme and Alice laughing on the floor, except for Rosalie, who was throwing darts at the face of a girl.

"Emmett had a secret crush on Prince William!" Alice cried between choke of laughter.

"What? Prince William on England? But Emmett is a heterosexual guy... isn't he?" I asked uncertainly.

"Well I guess not!" Rosalie threw another dart to the girl's picture, and hit bull's eye to the throat. I realised the girl was Prince William's fiancée.

"But Prince William is getting married in three days!" I said, still somewhat bewildered.

"Yes, and Emmett was hoping mad!" said Alice. "He wished, hem, well, you know Emmett,"

I didn't understand but I didn't want to know. God knows only what Emmett is thinking, and Emmett.

"Two has cracked," said Esme. She sounded weird. "Two still remains,"

**Sorry about the Prince William thing. I meant no disrespect or anything but it's a shot of inspiration and I liked it. Who knew the hearts of men?**

**Review, if you liked it! Thanks!**


	21. Chapter 21

**So here am I, finally presenting chapter 21. This story is getting out of hand! From cooking to madness... oh, god. Sometimes I really wondered how did it expand like that!**

**SO, thanks again for all of you who had so kindly reviewed! I love you guys! This story is becoming a success that I've never thought of! Thanks, again!**

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN TWILIGHT OR ANY OF THE TAYLOR SWIFT'S SONGS. I HEREBY ALSO STATES ANY JOKES CONCERNING PRINCE WILLIAM, KATE MIDDLETON AND TAYLOR SWIFT ARE PURELY FOR THE HUMOR OF THE STORY. DON'T SUE ME! :)**

Chapter 21 - Roller Coaster Ride

**Special Chapter: JASPER's POV**

_He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar_

_The only reason that keeps me wishing on a wishing star_

_He's the song in the car I keep singing don't know why I do..._

"SHUT UP, EMMETT!" I yelled.

I can't take this anymore. I'm going crazy. Damn Emmett! He had been singing Taylor Swift's songs ALL WEEK. So what if the Prince William got married! Who cares? Monarchy sucks! Now, if some good general that had led a battalion of twenty-thousand -

"Jasper. Stop it!" Edward yelled from the toilet.

I shook my head to clear them, and clenched my hands into tight fists. The temptation of unplugging the TV, players, microphones and electronic guitar and throw them into the ocean bed with Emmett tied down at the end was too great. A snarl escaped me. If it was not for Esme...

Yes, I, ex-Major of the Civil War, Jasper Whitlock Hale Cullen was exile. It was such a shame. But I knew I was in the wrong, and I took up my punishments manly. Unlike Emmett, who was almost begging on the plane from Forks to Rio de Janeiro not to be sent here for exile. But this - this Emmett let-my-heart-out Taylor Swift karaoke marathon was too much. It wasn't on the punishment list that Esme had given to me. I am going to kill something.

_OH, THE TEARDROPS ON MY GUITAR!_

_PRINCE WILLIAM! WHY!_

"That's it," I snarled under my breath. I stormed into the kitchen, a strategic plan already formed in my mind. To my surprise, Carlisle was in the kitchen, but he wasn't cooking.

"Carlisle, what are you doing?" I asked in astonishment, momentarily forgot what I was here for.

"Stuffing my ears. I can't take Emmett's singing anymore," Carlisle said as he took out a huge wad of cotton and stuffed it in his left ear. I looked as he managed to put the whole entire wad into his ear. What an amazing achievement. I'm sure I couldn't even stuff half of the cotton.

"Does it works?" I asked eagerly.

"Kinda," said Carlisle, stuffing some more cotton vigorously again. He must've used the entire supply. The cotton was sent along with the shipment of food that arrived yesterday. I guess Alice saw that we needed it. "What're you doing?"

_If you could see that I'm the one who understands you_

_Been here all along so why can't you see?_

_YOU BELONG WITH ME!_

"I'm going to shut Emmett up," I said through clenched teeth, and began to take out food supply.

Rice. Seaweed. Salted pork. Yes, come to papa, baby! Jasper's Civil War sushi is on the call!

"By what means?" Carlisle asked. He looked ridiculous with bits of white fluff coming out from his ears. And obviously, the cotton sin't doing their purpose. Carlisle could still hear me.

"By gluing his mouth together," I said with an evil smile, even to myself.

"Wicked!" Carlisle nodded appreciatively. Oh, yes. This vampire is mad.

"What's Edward doing?" I asked as I got the rice ready on boil.

"He's trying to shut off the noise by submerging himself in the bath tube," said Carlisle, watching me chopping up cucumbers and carrots.

"Does it work?" I asked eagerly again.

_YOU BELONG WITH ME-EEE!_

_HAVE YOU EVER THOUGHT JUST MAYBEEEEEEEEE_

_YOU BELONG WITH MEEEEEEEEEEEEE!_

_YOU BEEEEEEEEEELONG WITH MEEEEEEEEEEEEE!_

"SHUT UP EMMETT!" Edward yelled. There's was a great splash of water and Edward came into the kitchen.

"Carlisle, could you just shut Emmett up?" Edward begged.

Carlisle sighed. "I tried, but he just yelled in my ears that I love Taylor Swift too, so I shouldn't judge,"

If Carlisle could blush, he'd be steaming right now.

"He's mad!" I cried. "Every heterosexual man likes Taylor Swift. But _he's _in love with that prince! Gosh, he's crazy,"

"So what's you plan, Jazz?" asked Edward.

The rice cooker beeped and I began to roll my sushi. I laid down all the food, and put a jar or something special next to the wasabi.

"Rhinoceros glue," Edward read. "What happened to good old elephat glue?"

"Not strong enough," I said in grim satisfaction. "Alice is a good wife and brilliant sister,"

Carlisle, Edward and I looked at each other in grim understanding.

"Orders understood?" I said.

"Yes, sir!" they saluted.

When I finished wrapping up my Special Emmett Sushi, I nodded confidently to my comrade-in-arms. This is a man-eat-man world, baby, and don't ever sing Taylor Swift songs as a provocation. You might ended up worse than La Carlotta having a toad voice.

**BELLA'S POV**

"Ready, aim, FIRE!"

We looked at the TV in silent disbelief.

Edward climbed up to Emmett's back and forced his mouth opened while Carlisle and Jasper aimed sushi at Emmett's mouth.

"Chew, Emmett! Chew it like you have Kate Middleton between your vampire teeth!" Jasper yelled. He looked at Emmett with ferocious intensity that represented a mad man.

I can't really blame them after what they've been through.

Emmett chewed passionately. He really looked like a vampire, growling and throwing up his head. But as he chew harder and harder his jaws was stuck together until it couldn't be opened at all.

"Wuchoduntommmmmh?" Emmett screamed through his stuck jaws.

"We stuck you jaw together!" cried Jasper hysterically. "Thanks Alice!"

Alice was laughing so hard she was on the ground.

"Veevmmon! Gaghhoommuhhaaw!" Emmett struggled.

"What's he saying, Edward?" Carlisle asked.

"He's saying that he got venow in his mouth and it won't work," said Edward. "You're wrong, man!" said Edward gleefully. "This is a special concocted Rhinoceros glue for vampire! Hahahaha! You're going to be mute for a week!"

Carlisle, Jasper and Edward whooped and took off their shirt and pants as they ran out of the house and dive into the sea, their naked bodies glittering almost blindingly under the bright sunlight. Emmett was chasing them, he kept chewing furiously but the glue became stickier.

Even I had to laugh. This was getting crazier and crazier! I have doubts that the boys are ever going to survive this exile.

Next to me, Rosalie threw a dart at a new picture next to Kate Middleton's. It was Taylor Swift.

"Give me some," said Esme, and Rosalie handed Esme some darts too. In short five seconds Taylor Swift's face was completely covered in darts.

"The best is yet to come," sang Alice, who grinned wickedly at me.

I stared at her, horror-struck.

Alice looked pointedly to the TV, and I saw Edward came up from the beach, shaking the lustrous copper hair and running like a god around the beach as Emmet chased him.

Oh. My. God.

**YAY! Three done, EDWARD to go! How crazy will you think he'll be? HAHAHAHA!**

**If you love this story/chapter please REVIEW!**


	22. Chapter 22

**WARNING: THIS CHAPTER MAY CONTAIN SOMETHING NUDE AND SPARKLEY, POSSIBLE FOOD FIGHTS AND PERHAPS BROKEN BODY PARTS. THIS CHAPTER MAY ALSO CAUSE HYSTERICS, HEART ATTACK AND EXCESSIVE DROOLING. THE AUTHOR HEREBY STATES THAT ANY DAMAGE TO PERSON/COMPUTER/FURNITURE/HOUSE IS HIGHLY REGRETTABLE AND NOT HER FAULT. IF YOU HAVE FINISH READING THIS RIDICULOUS BEGINING, YOU MIGHT WANT TO PUT ON YOUR SEAT BELT FOR WHAT IS WRITTEN BELOW.**

**EVERYTHING IS INTENDED FOR HUMOR. SO LAUGH BUT DON'T WET YOUR PANTS.**

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN TWILIGHT OR ANY REFERENCES TO PIRATES OF THE ****CARIBBEAN & CAPTAIN JACK SPARROW OR WONDER GIRLS AND THEIR SONG "NOBODY".**

Chapter 22: God Is Speaking To Me

**Special chapter: EDWARD's POV**

_Hey, Edward, I'm going to dive for oyster again, alright? Just - just keep the house intact. Byee!_

_Hey, Edward, I really can't bear this anymore. I'm off hunting!_

_Hey, Edward. HEY, Edward. HEY, EDWARD!_

"SHUT THE HELL UP!"

I whipped my head around, my chest heaving up and done like I've just run a marathon.

_Er, Edward, you don't breathe. Just sayin'_

Scratch that. When Bella runs a marathon.

I met the eyes of my father and two idiotic brothers. They were staring at me, wide-eyed and innocent. I snarled at them. They looked ridiculous with their white chef suits and colourful aprons. Carlisle was wearing an orange apron that said "Come to Doctor Sparkle", Jasper was wearing a yellow apron that said "Kiss the Major" and Emmett was the ridiculous of all: he had a pink apron with fluffy edges with the words:

"Chef Teddy Bear".

ALICE.

"Hey, Eddie, why aren't you wearing your blue apron! It says 'Pasta Mania Guy'! So cool!" Emmett cried.

"Shut up, Emmett. Just cut you celery," I snapped.

My family looked up at me in surprise.

"What's with you, Edward?" Jasper asked. "Why the long face?"

"Nothing," I answered shortly.

"Son, you can tell us everything," said Carlisle kindly. He held up a knife and began to chop carrots.

"I said NOTHING!" I yelled. "Just leave me alone!"

"Edward Anthony Cullen, you will NOT speak to my with that tone!" Carlisle threatened, holding up the knife to emphasis.

"Oh, just suck it," I muttered, and went out of the house.

"Hey, what are you doing?" Emmett cried. "I thought we're going to make a low-carb, low-fat and low-calories salad?"

"I am going to get a tan!" I shouted back. "Leave me ALONE!"

I stormed out of the kitchen, taking each piece of my clothing off. When I reached the sandy white beach, I was brilliantly naked.

Ah! It felt so good to be under the sun. I did several warm-ups before lying myself on the beach. It felt so good to be warm. To others, they thought there's a spotlight on Isle Esme, but I know better. It's my beautiful stark white naked body giving off its divine glow.

Man, if you ever see me you need sunglasses. I am the god of diamonds.

"Hey, you!"

I opened my eyes and looked around, thinking it was Emmett. But there was no one. So I lie back down and hummed a tone.

"Hey, Eddie-boy!"

"What the - " I muttered, and looked around. But Emmett was nowhere to be seen. To check where he was, I picked Emmett's mind, and couldn't believe what I saw. The three idiots were dancing in the kitchen while making their salad. Worse, they're dancing to the Korean song "Nobody" by a Korean group Wonder Girls. I watched, through Emmett's brain, at how Carlisle was shaking his butt and waving a finger around. Jasper was skipping and clapping with an occasional "Nobody nobody but _chu_,"; and Emmett. Oh, my god, Emmett was winking and waving his arms around.

"If I'm crazy, they're on over the moon," I muttered.

"Too right you are," said that annoying voice again. I looked around and something pulled my hair. I turned to my left shoulder.

I almost screamed.

"Shut it, Edward," said the... thing. "It's me,"

"Who-who are you?" I gasped.

"I'm your divine voice," said the thing.

"What the hell?" I swore.

"Dumb ass," said a teeny tiny version of me, leaning against my left shoulder. "I'm Mini Me,"

"Don't forget about me," said another voice. I turned to my right shoulder and saw another me. "I'm Tiny Me,"

I brushed "me" away from my shoulders and shook my head, saying, "Oh, no. Get away from me, you things,"

"We're not _things_," said the me called Mini Me.

"We're the divine voice from up above to advice you," said Tiny Me smugly, crossing his shoulders.

"I'm not Captain Jack Sparrow. What the HELL are you doing here, then?"

"Face it, Edward," said Tiny Me.

"You're in a position LIKE Captain Jack Sparrow," said Mini Me.

"Stranded in a no man's land," said Tiny Me casually, kicking some sand.

"Life's like in Davy Jones' locker," smiled Tiny Me cynically.

"You needed an escape plan. Plan Edward," both "Me"s said together.

"Argh!" I grabbed my hair and ran away. I'm really getting crazy. I can't stand it! I ran inside the house like a lunatic, hoping I could find help from Carlisle, but...

_I want nobody, nobody but you_

_Oh, oh!_

_I want nobody, nobody but you_

_Oh, oh!_

Jasper blew a kiss to Emmett, who caught it with his lips.

"ARGHHHHHHHHH!" I screamed and ran out of the house again. I ran and ran until I was in the sea. then I swam and swam until everything around me was dark.

"Hey, Eddie boy!" said Tiny Me.

"ARGH!" I tried to scream, but there's just bubbles coming out from my mouth. Duh. Even if I don't need oxygen I still can't speak underwater. But wait. How did Tiny Me spoke...?

"We're in you head, DUH," said Mini Me.

I looked at them fearfully.

"Ok. Here's the plan: start swimming, and don't stop until you reach Africa. After you reach Africa, swim to Madagascar and live with the lemurs. They play better music," said Tiny Me.

"Yeah!" exclaimed Miny Me. "_I like to move it, MOVE IT! I like to move it, MOVE IT!"_

I stared at them.

"It'll WORK," said Tiny Me smugly.

"Don't worry!" said Miny Me, who was doing a body wave.

"We got your butt covered!" said the "Me"s together.

**BELLA'S POV**

"!"

This is how I found Esme, Alice and Rosalie another week after Jasper's breakdown. I was shocked at how the Cullen females had laughed until their stone stomach hurts and they were rolling on the floor, too weak to stand.

I didn't need to ask to know what had caused the laughter. I looked at the TVs.

"What the hell?" I swore.

"It's - It's - hahahahahaaaa! Ed - haaaahahaha!" Alice tried to speak but kept laughing.

On the screen, I saw that Carlisle was holding Edward's head firmly, and Jasper was holding a piece of sushi, saying "AHHHHHHHHH! Open your mouth, Edward!"

"NO! Tiny me - Mini me, where are you? I have to leave... I have to go to Madagascar... there's a party there!"

"Did anyone said par-_theeeeee_?" Emmett came in, wearing nothing but the pink apron and a pink feather boa. "_I want NOBODY NOBODY, NOBODY NOBODY!"_

"Kill me, please!" Edward plead to Carlisle. "I don't want to be in the Davy Jones' Locker! I don't even have a beard!"

I stare at the screen in disbelief. "What happen to Edward?"

"He went - hahaha! - mad!" explained Rosalie helpfully.

"What he's talking about? Who's Tiny Me and Mini Me? What Madagascar party?" I spluttered, looking as Emmett strip dance and kissing Jasper on the cheeks. "What happen to the boys?"

"They're officially driven to madness!" said Alice smugly, finally able to stand.

"Oh, no! Will they ever be alright?" I exclaimed. Edward at Jasper sushi (and biting his fingers off at the process). Jasper screamed not unlike a girl and punched Edward. If I'm not mistaken, Edward's head very nearly torn off. I shuddered in horror. As a result, Edward spat all the sushi out and hit Jasper right at the nose.

"GROSS!" Jasper yelled. "You asked for it!" He pummeled about a dozen sushi to Edward's face and a fully fledge food fight started.

There's no words to describe except there's a lot of feathers involved.

"Alice, what happen next?" I wailed.

"Well," said Alice. "Now that they're completely mad, it's the path back to completely normal. Don't worry, Bella. Edward has a divine voice speaking to him. What doesn't kill him only make him stronger!"

**I love this chapter! It was so much fun to write! If you like it, PLEASE review!**

**PS. To get a idea how Carlisle, Jasper and Emmett dance to the Korean song, go to .com/watch?v=BA7fdSkp8ds to check out the MV. It's one of the nicest MV there ever was! And while you're watching it, imagine the Cullens boys dancing on the stage with nothing BUT aprons and feather boas...**

**HAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!**


	23. Chapter 23

**Hey, guys! So sorry for the lo-o-o-ng delay! I had a writer's block and can't break it until now... that's what happen when all the vampires are rendered insane. Forgive me for the delay and now enjoy the next chapter! Things might not be that crazy anymore because... they _have_ learnt their lessons. Um. Yeah. **

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN TWILIGHT!**

Chapter 23 – The Letter

CARLISLE'S POV

"We've got mail!" Emmett yelled from the beach. I heard him came bounding inside the living room, where Edward, Jasper and I were lying around dejectedly, looking, as Alice had said, like a couple of mothers who had finally delivered their babies.

"Who sent it?" asked Jasper tiredly.

Emmett didn't answer. Instead, there was a loud_ PLANG!_ as Emmett broke something that sounded suspiciously like glass bottle.

"What the hell, Emmett?" I hissed, jolted up from my peaceful meditation.

In Emmett's hand was the mouth of a broken bottle, and broken pieces of green glass scattered around the floor. I sighed and closed my eyes.

Lying innocently on top of the damage was a piece of white paper. Emmett bent down and picked it up.

"As I've said, we got mail," Emmett said. Out of curiousity we gathered around him for a better view. Emmett unfurled the tightly scrolled paper and began to read:

_"Dear boys,_

_ You have passed the first half of your exile today! Congratulations! Now that you only have the six weeks left before coming back home, and I suggest that you boys really start to polish up your cooking skills. _

_ I will not add anymore punishments upon your fleshly body, as I am sure your holy soul has received the intended messages. But should anyone of you break any of my furniture, house, or any of my favorite Egyptian vase _again_, I will make sure you will suffer in the Eternal Hell of Esme. Don't say I didn't warn you!_

_ Alas, I hope that you really understand the objective behind the exile. I am not ashamed of my feelings to admit that I missed my husband and sons very much. But sometimes patience DO grow thin. You are all big boys already. You should start to behave more _rationally_._

_ I will add no more but "God bless your souls!"_

_Love,_

_Esme_

_PS. The girls sent their love. _

Emmett finished reading and we all fell silent. Oh, how I missed my beautiful Esme! I don't know about the others but I felt… sobered by the letter. It was written on a piece of old, scented parchment, and Esme's flourish calligraphy danced on the page like an embrace. I close my eyes and remembered her scent by my side, her soft locks around my neck as we gaze upon the night sky on this very island…

We stood there like four statues, deep in our own thoughts. I think about three days passed before anyone spoke anything.

Emmett surveyed the house, and said the most astonishing thing he had ever uttered:

"Let's clean up!"

**BELLA'S POV**

The magic worked! Esme was the perfect, loving mother right to her core. Who knows that a small piece of letter can do such wonder to the hearts of men?

We watched excitedly as the boys cleaned up the house, as Emmett had so wonderingly suggested, in half an hour. Pillows were straightened, dust swept, dirty laundry and plates cleaned, everything put back in apple pie order. When they had finished the interior of the house, they scouted the beach and cleaned up any towels or undergarments that were baking underneath the bright sun. Emmett had suddenly become an obsessive compulsory and even tried to straighten the coconut trees. Thank god Carlisle dissuaded him before he breaks Esme's trees.

"Do you think they've really sobered up?" asked Rosalie suspiciously as Emmett actually washed his own socks while Jasper, adorned in his apron, was scrubbing up pots so vigorously that the metal are in a danger of being scrubbed thin. Carlisle was vacuuming the whole house and Edward was arranging all the furniture.

"I hope so," smiled Esme.

"Well, I'm sure no vase will be broken this time," said Alice. I looked at our little pixie, and saw that she looked serious rather than enjoying the fun that the boys are slaving away. Alice felt my glance and smiled at me. I returned the gesture but wasn't sure if Alice was herself. Something was on her mind, and I wondered what it is…

**It is short compared to the previous chapters... but I've really ran out of catastrophe now and would appreciate some suggestions...**

**Even if you don;t have, reviews are too appreciated! I promise to upload tomorrow! **


	24. Chapter 24

**Thanks guys for all the wonderful reviews and also suggestions! I really appreciated it! It made me happy!**

**Well, the few coming up chapters will not be… well, that funny as the previous crazy chapters. Sorry about that. As you can see the boys have sobered up, and hardly anything funny can arise, can it? Hmmm...**

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN TWILGIHT**

Chapter 24 – DO NOT TELL ESME!

**Special chapter: EMMETT's POV**

Well, now that we've dotted every "I" and crossed every "t"; minded our Ps and Qs and not breaking even a grain of sand for the past few weeks, I figured out Esme was really fooled by it.

Fooled by WHAT? You might ask.

Well, remember MY good idea? The Plan B? One of the reason I had kept so good until I felt like a saint is we can't, by any chance, let Esme knows about Plan B. If she knows… god knows, she might send us to an island while not even HUMAN food existed.

SHHHHHHHH! DO NOT TELL ESME! Pinky Swear!

Ahem. Now you have solemnly swear that you will NOT tell Esme the Plan B under the penalty of death, I think it's safe to tell YOU.

We don't eat the human food anymore. Really!

"Emmett, stop talking to the stone! Come in!" Edward cried from inside the house.

I scowled and sent a horrible image up my mind: Esme in a devil suit. Edward shuddered but it kept him out of my mind.

I am currently at the Destination Plan B, that's it, the pile of stones where no hidden cameras are placed. They're about a ton of food buried here in a hole six feet deep. Yes, this is the place where we threw our beautifully cooked food.

Do I feel guilty? Hell, NO! I so do not want to be called a pregnant "woman" again! I have a mission: and that mission is to create the best pizza in the world, so good that the whole world will worship it! I will be the -

Hang on. I think I got side-tracked.

Ok, ahem. Anyway in this hole we throw all our food in midnight. Only Carlisle felt obliged to eat some of his creation out of guiltiness to Esme. Sorry, man! No can help! I have enough human food to last me for a life time.

Let's just pray Esme wouldn't find out!

**ALICE's POV**

I'm trying to think calmly, you know? But I am so angry it made me want to burst. I almost did. Bella suspected something. But I didn't.

Now that the boys had turned to saints. They obeyed the rules and waiting patiently only to return. Carlisle was back to his normal, cool-headed patriarch self of the family, he took charge of the boys as a father should. Well, as a 17-Century father should. It's funny how the time went by he was still so old-fashioned in the teachings of his sons. He played classical music again which actually everyone enjoyed it except Emmett. But Emmett was taking everything up well. In fact, if it isn't for their apparent look of really change for the good, I would have told Esme of their so-called _Plan B_.

_Breathe, Alice, Breath._

I felt like I'm having this conversations _way_ too many times. Also, I felt that we had sat in front of the TVs long enough. I got up and looked around the house. Bella was asleep on the couch. Rosalie was playing the piano for Esme, who looked a trifle blue as her eyes fixed on the TV screen, where Carlisle was making an omelet. I suddenly a vision...

"Come on girls! We're going to shopping! There's a mega sale in Seattle and I don't wanna missed it!"

Immediately everyone looked much more enthusiastic except for Bella, but she had no choice as I dragged her along to my Porsche and we rushed to Seattle at 170miles per hour. When was the last time I went shopping? Ah, that was about seven weeks ago, where when we returned the house was in a mess. I smiled. Ah, the good old time!

"Hey, girls, let's give the boys a surprise welcome!" I said.

"If you say they'd be surprised," said Rosalie.

"What kind of surprise?" asked Bella warily.

"Well," I smiled. "A surprise won't be a surprise if I tell you _now..._ isn't it?"

**Sorry about this short chapter. My schemes had ran out! So the boys are coming back in couple of weeks... and what will be Alice's surprise? Will it be a good or a bad surprise, indeed!**

**Review, please! **


	25. Chapter 25

**Once again I must express my gratitude for all of you who had reviewed my story! You guys are the constant support system that keeps me going in this story! Love you guys!**

**Oh, yes, just want to say the "little legend" you're about to read is completely created by me. Which means it doesn't belongs to any of the legends in the world. If you think you know where you've read this before, tell me. Haha! ENJOY! This is the longest chapter in this story!**

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN TWILIGHT!**

Chapter 25: SURPRISE!

**Special Chapter: EDWARD's POV**

"Light,"

"Checked,"

"Gas?"

"Checked,"

"Stove?"

"Checked,"

"Underwear?"

That was NOT me. I glared at Emmett, who smiled in his old mischievous way and gave me thumbs up. I had to laugh, and ignore him.

"Right. Edward, have you got the gifts? Jasper, the bags are ready? Emmett, you got your apron?" We all nodded to Carlisle, who, like the rest of us, had this dopey, crazy grin on his face. "All right! We are ready to go home!"

We cheered and walked out of the house that had been our confinement for the past three months. We are free! Yes, we had repented and been forgiven!

Our ticket to freedom came in another letter-in-the-glass:

_Dear boys,_

_Tomorrow at 8.00am a boat will dock in Isle Esme to take you home. The captain will hand the flight tickets to you once you board the boat. I advise you to stay calm in all occasions. _

_See you in twenty hours!_

_Love, Esme._

_PS. The girls sent their love._

We almost cry over the letter. We really did. Finally. Our hard work paid off! We are going home!

"Hey, Emmett," Jasper muttered.

"Yeah?"

"Did you cover up the Hole?"

"What hole?"

"The HOLE, dumbass," Jasper said, rolling his eyes.

"Ah! The _hole_. Yeah, I did," said Emmett proudly.

"Really?"

"Have some faith, man!" said Emmett. He was looking out to the sea, and we all looked to. The sound reached us first before the boat was even in sight. We ran to the edge of the water as a yacht sailed right to the island. At the side of the yacht was the name: Sail of the Moon.

"Why does it sounds like Sailor Moon?" said Emmett as they boarded up the yacht. I rolled my eyes and muttered, "You insensitive wacko,"

The captain, a Brazilian greeted us and led us to the deck. On the deck was a basket. The captain told us it was from "Senora Cullen", and said we are sailing to mainland right away.

Carlisle thanked him and picked up the basket curiously. The yacht sailed away. In the basket was a single letter with four air tickets.

_Dear boys,_

_Soon you will be home to us. Do not spoil the yacht or you would have to swim back to us. While you are sailing, remember the virtue of patience and the story of "Sail of the Moon"._

_Love, Esme._

_PS. The girls sent their love. _

I can see the pattern in these letters. They are the letters to guide us home. I smiled, and looked at Carlisle. He smiled, too.

"What is the story of Sailor Moon?" asked Emmett as we settled down and let the wind blew our faces. It was like washing all the bad experiences away, tearing the bad part of our soul and become whole and clean again.

"It is an old legend," said Carlisle, his face tranquil. "There was once a pair of lovers who lived in the mountains. By day they praise the sun, and by night they sing for the moon. However, one day the woman was fatally wounded by a poisonous plant while she was gathering herbs. The man couldn't believe that his love and life had died, he journeyed to the edge of the world, where he met the sun and the moon as they were criss-crossing each other in the sky. He demanded to have his lover back by his side, or he said he will shoot both the sun and the moon. The Sun was angry at his impertinence, but the Moon pitied him and said he can sail the Moon to reach to the heavenly place to find his lover,"

"But under one condition," I murmured. Carlisle smiled at me and nodded.

"Yes, but under one condition. Once he board on the Moon he can never get down again. He must sail on the Moon forever. The man agreed and jumped on the Moon. He went to the heavenly place and saw his lover. But bound by his promise, he could not get down. The woman cried and begged the Moon to let her embrace her husband once. The Moon agreed, saying that the lovers can meet behind her glowing body once a month. But for the rest of the time, the man must sail on the Moon to pull up her sails until they were all fully opened. Only then he can enjoy his reward of meeting his lover behind the sail once a month. From then the journey was called _the sail of the Moon_, where the man pulled up the sails and set them down again so the Moon is able to travel through the heavenly sky,"

Carlisle finished with a smile. "Did you boys understand?"

Jasper nodded, and I rolled my eyes but smiled too. We looked at Emmett.

"So this is the moon and we are sailing back to our lovers?" Emmett said. Carlisle smiled and nodded. "Exactly. Esme loved this story, which also explained why the moon is full or wane at times. It's a beautiful little legend,"

"And now we are living the legend," said Jasper.

We reached the mainland dock as Jasper said that. When we got down, a taxi was already waiting for us to take us to the airport. On the seat of the taxi was another letter that said: _Dear boys, buckle your seat belts as the car drive down the streets of Rio de Janeiro. Don't miss the lights. Love, Esme. PS. The girls sent their love. _

"What light?" asked Jasper. Carlisle asked the taxi driver if there's any celebration, and the driver answered today was the great samba celebration was today.

We scanned our necks and caught, with our vampire senses, music and people with vivid costumes dancing about the street and cheering the celebration. We smiled at each other, getting more and more excited. Evey step took us closer and closer to home, closer and closer to the heart of our mother, Esme.

Our plan was about to fly when we ran to the check-in. We rushed to the aircraft and got to our seats, where at each of our place was a letter. Before we could read it we were asked to sit down and buckle our seat belts. It was when the plane steadied we opened our letter. This is what mine said:

_Dear Edward,_

_It's me. Bella. Oh, my gosh! I'm so glad you are coming home! I missed you sooooooooo much! But I'm glad, too, that you have a valuable time there. I am here waiting for you and the rest of them to cook something _edible_ for me to judge. When you are back, beware of the dark! That's all I can say, for Alice will pinch me if I reveal anymore. See you in a couple of hours!_

_Love, Bella _

I smiled as I read Bella's clumsy scrawl on the scented parchment. But the warning made me uneasy. Alice. There's two person in the world which you DO NOT want to here the sentence: "I've got an idea!" The first is Emmett, the second is Alice. What's with the "dark"? Darkness don't bother us vampires anymore. We can see perfectly even in the darkest of night.

Finally after long hours sitting in the plane we got down. Surprisingly, Carlisle's black Mercedes was parked in front of the airport entrance. We walked excitedly to the car, thinking that the girls had come. But the car was unlocked and the key was in the engine. None of the girls were in sight.

"I am starting to get frightened," said Emmett as we pile into the car and Carlisle drove us home.

When we reached the house in flat ten minutes, to our surprise the house was as quiet and as dark as a tomb. Nobody was in sight, even when I used my mind-reading ability or when Jasper tried to feel the girls. We stopped at the door for a moment.

"Alright. We are home and the girls are out?" said Emmett. He was getting tired of all the games.

"They still haven't forgive us," said Jasper sadly.

"They have a trick up against their sleeves," I said grimly.

"Well, there's only one way to know it," said Carlisle. He opened the front door.

Carlisle stood paused at the door for a moment. Then, eerie music started to play. The music was so low it was piercing to our sensitive ears. Suddenly, Carlisle gave a low cry and we whipped our head up, just in time to see a large cake flying towards our face.

**Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you...**

**Hahaha! Smack right in the face! **

**Stay tuned for tomorrow! Hahahaaaa!**


	26. Chapter 26

**I am so sorry that it took so unforgivably long for me to upload this chapter. Last week there's no Internet connection in my house due to I-don't-know-what-reason, and now my laptop has crashed! I'm typing ths in another computer... feel yourself lucky to see this chapter... my poor laptop!**

**Also, please forgive me if there's any spelling/grammer mistakes because the computer don't have English spell-check. I did what I could! Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN TWILIGHT!**

**Chapter 26 - Reunion & What Happened Next**

Special Chapter: Carlisle´s POV

I got a huge wade of chocolate cake in my mouth, and some of them went into my nose and ears. Practically my entire face. I coughed and splattered out the cake and took out my pocket handkerchief to wipe my face. The boys beside me got cake all over their face too. When I was able to see again, I was greeted by four girls laughing their head off.

"Oh, my god!" Rosalie gasped, clutching her sides.

"That was priceless!" Bella was beating the floor from laughing too hard.

Esme walked towards me, covering her mouth with her hands and laughing. She put her arms around me, and kissed me sweetly on the lips.

"Welcome home, sweetheart," she said and laughed.

My anger just about evaporate to the heavens. I clutched Esme tightly like a life savior and kissed her back with chocolate on my lips.

"Who the hell plan this!" said Emmett angrily, swatting cream off his face.

"I did," Alice had stopped laughing and stood staring at us with her hands on her hips. For some reason, after she stopped laughing she looked... angry. That's weird. _She_ wasn't the one who got completely splattered by cake and cream. I looked at Alice again to see if there's any change in her.

"Alice!" Jasper sighed in relief. He took the small figure of his wife in his arms and turned her around. I smiled with Esme tightly by my side, and looked that everyone was smiling in their partners' arms. It was such a precious moment I took a mental picture in my mind.

"Girls, inside like I said," said Alice. She let go of Jasper. "Boys, I would like to talk to you,"

Something in her eyes and the pout of her lips made us "boys" looked at each other guiltily. The girls went in dutifully, which I suspected this was something pre-agreed.

Rosalie closed the door behind her, and Alice turned to us, teeth flashing and hands on her slender hips. It's amazing how she looked like Mrs. Weasley from _Harry Potter_ when Mrs. Weasley resembled a saber-toothed tiger.

"I hope you really have repented, _boys_," said Alice lowly. "Or I shall be that tale-tell heart!"

I felt my own heart clutched with a sudden panic.

"Don't!" I whispered, pleading my prophetess of a daughter with my eyes. "Alice, no!"

Alice smirked grimly. "I know. No one knows. But if you guys were to put _one toe_ out of the line..."

Since when Alice is the mum of the house? _... we'll sent you straight back home! _I continued mentally for the rest of the line.

Edward's eyes were wide opened. "You - they didn't...?"

"No," Alice sniffed. "I kept your secret,"

"But now you said it they all just about know," said Emmett, but he was looking as scared as I felt.

Alice rolled her eyes. "Please, I see the future, okay? They can't hear nothing. They're in kitchen and a loud music is playing. Trust me, I _know_,"

"Too much," said Jasper with a shake of his head. "We're sorry, Alice," he said, pulling her in and totally buttering her furious mood into warm and fuzzy feelings. "We must,"

"That's why I kept it secret," said Alice. "I don't want anything to happen to you... all that blood..." Alice trailed off. We winced together. The feeling like I'm about to cough up my shrivelled dead lungs was still fresh in my mind.

"Ok, ok, we get it," said Emmett impatiently. "Can I go in now? I really missed Rose,"

Alice finally smiled. "Okay, okay. I know. But _remember_..."

Emmett practically rushed inside to the kitchen, where the radio was playing Beethoven's 5th Symphony, Fate, in the loudest volume. Emmett practically jumped on Rosalie and they started kissing immediately. Edward had Bella in his arms and looked like he was whole again; Alice and Jasper were just savouring in each other's prescences. I looked at each happy couple before turning to mine.

"My love," I swung Esme around and planted a large kiss on her lips. "I am truly sorry,"

Esme bubbled a sweet laughter. "I know. But I'm glad to have you back. I've missed you,"

We continued to be in our peaceful little world for sometime, until at a point everyone stopped and we looked at each other embarrassedly.

"Well, let us sit, shall we?" said Esme.

We all looked a the table, which was still cracked into two. Emmett muttered "shit" under his breath and stole a look at Esme.

Esme smiled. "You still got one day extra to made that table, Emmett. I will say no more. Now sit down, everyone,"

Esme was walking to her normal seat at the right of the head seat when I stopped her. "You are in charge today, pretty woman," I said and took her seat, leaving her at the head position. Esme looked startled at first, but smiled. Everyone sat down.

"Well, first of all I must congratulate our boys to have successfully passed their exile," The girls applaused enthusiastically. Esme continued. "We are very glad to have you home again with us,"

Everybody "awww"ed and I squeezed Esme's hand. "We are very happy to be home again, too," I said.

"Well," Esme continued. "Now that I am sure you have learnt your lessons, it is time to see some results,"

There was a pause. We Cullen males looked at each other nervously. What kind of test would Esme give us?"

"Don't worry," laughed Esme. "It's just a simple test. In fact, a test that I am sure all of you would excell in,"

"What is it?" asked Emmett.

"Cooking,"

We blinked. "Cooking?" I echoed.

"Yes, cooking," Esme nodded her confirmation. "Didn't you went away to learn how to cook? Didn't you, Carlisle, successfully managed to make a perfect black pudding? Didn't you, Edward, not only managed to cook a perfect pasta but discovered the secret of spaghetti making? Didn't you, Jasper, learned the skills of a profesional sushi chef and didn't you _Emmett_, has successfully baked the perfect pizza?"

We looked at each other, and nodded. We felt like we are saints after Esme praised us like that.

"Well. Your test is simple: prepare a six-course meal with all that you've learned in your exile tomorrow. Judges will come to eat your feast," said Esme.

"Who are the judges?" asked Jasper warily.

"The wolves."

**The wolves! Yes, they are coming into the story next chapter! Check if they dare to eat the Feast cooked by four vampire men. I wonder if there'll be another food fight... *shrug***

**Review, please! I know it's abominable to ask for it but... pretty pretty please?**


	27. Chapter 27

**I am sorry for the late update again... my laptop was sent to the computer man for repair... yikes! I hate virus! There goes the down side of technology...**

**So... wolves, huh? Figured out only wolves can scarfed down a six-course meal cooked by the vamps... ENJOY! Also, thank you so much for all the reviews! I really appreciated it! **

**PS: Thanks for Sheeiur 22 for pointing out that there´s no Edward/Bella´s sweet scene of reunion! Well, you´ll see some soap opera here! that´s to make up for my forgetfulness!**

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN TWILIGHT!**

Chapter 27: Love Me Tender

**BELLA´S POV**

_Thump-thump, thump-thump, thump-thump._

My heart beat so fast I'm afraid it's going to pop out of my heart. Edward was smirking as he walked slowly, so tauntingly slow towards me. His eyes glinted brilliant gold, his crooked smile so strangely perfect, and his smile...

"Breath, Bella, breath," he whispered in my ears, suddenly appearing by my side.

"Oh, Edward," I moaned. "How I've missed you!"

"I know, love, believe me, I missed you too," his voice turned so soft I melted in his stone cold arms. We kissed and it's like all the months and days without him, all the cold and lonely nights had disappered in that one kiss.

Of course the kiss turned into something more... in his arms I had all but forgot the prescence of -

"EDWARD! Put on your chef hat and get your butt moving!"

Edward groaned. "Shut it, Emmett," he twisted his lips to answer his brother and continued to kiss me. But we haven't even got lost in each other when Edward suddenly disappeared in front of me. I stumbled and fell flat on my nose because I had been leaning all my weight against Edward. I barely acknowledge the shock of pain the shot through my arm when I heard growling and snapping of vampire's jaw.

"What the hell, Emmett!" Edward snarled harshly. "You made Bella fall!" he walked forward to help me up but Emmett pushed him to the wall.

"We need to prepare, OK, Edward?" Emmett growled. "We will be judged in three days. THREE DAYS, Edward! What we've achieved in the past THREE MONTHS will be judge in THREE DAYS! Time to focus on what's important! Women... they're our life and soul and we would do anything for them. But I realised we have to prove to them that we DESERVE their love! So get your head around and START WORKING!"

We all stare at Emmett in shock. Carlisle had come to my side to help me up but he had froze with one arm around me. My mouth had dropped open. Alice and Jasper stopped _their_ kissing and stared at Emmett too. Rosalie, on the other hand, looked like she might actually cry.

_"_And sometimes," said Emmett passionately. "You have to know what's right in the right time," Emmett strengthed himself up and put on his chef fat like a soldier putting on his helmet before marching to war. "Even if that means sacrificing your time and life for the women you love,"

Rosalie ran to his arms and planted a big kiss on Emmett. She carassed his hair and whispered. "Go and get'em, my brave boy!"

Emmett saluted, and marched into the kitchen. We are still in shock at Emmett's speech. Then Jasper said,

"He's right. We should get started," he looked deeply into Alice's eyes. "I'll see you at the day of victory,"

Jasper turned to Carlisle and Edward. "You guys coming?"

"Yes, after I've see to Bella's hand," said Carlisle, finally getting me up from the floor. He made me sit down and checked my arm. To my horror Carlisle said he had to wrap it up because the bone was a little moved. After a painful ten minutes, he finished his job and got into the kitchen, too.

"Though I love curing people, I must admit Emmett had a point this time," Carlisle whispered to Esme before he left. "I must prove myself,"

Esme smiled proudly. "I see that the exile had really made my boys into better men,"

Edward kissed me once again, and I found it hard to part with him. He had just got back and now he's back in the kitchen. It's depressing.

"I must leave," said Edward. "Though, like Carlisle, I rather stay with the thing I love, I must leave to the battlefield,"

I kissed him once more. "Go, Edward. Get the wolves' stomach for me!"

Once again the boys were unleashed in the kitchen, and this time it felt that a disaster bigger than ever is arriving.

On the second day, the boys recieved a message from the wolves:

_Vampires,_

_We are looking forward to attend the feast tomorrow. Be warned that we are looking forward to it with great appetite. We are very interested in your cooking skills and is willing to be your judges. However, if any sabotage should arise, for example as a cover to poison the rest of the wolf pack to extinction, you are sure this is not the end you hear from us. _

_We are WATCHING you._

_The wolves._

Next to the word was a big ink-print of a wolf paw. It looked very threatening to me, and the boys were indignant, but for different reasons. Emmett was angry that the wolves were making fun of his cooking skills, and he changed the menu for the hundredth time, probably making a sixteen-course meal instead of six. Carlisle was sorrowful that the wolves thought they might sabotage and poison the wolves. Jasper and Edward was working with more vigour than usual.

The three days passed, and on the night of the appointed day, the doorbell rang. 

I am really afraid to open the door.

**Don't worry! Mystery reveal tomorrow - promised! **_  
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	28. Chapter 28

**! Important notice! This is the newly revised Chapter 28! I realised I've made a major mistake! Jasper created "Civil War Sushi", not "Word War Two Sushi"! I've messed up the wars he had been! Forgive me!**

**Ta-da! The Feast! **

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN TWILIGHT!**

Chapter 28 – The Feast

**BELLA's POV**

Emmett straightened his tall chef hat, and smoothed his apron. The boys were all wearing smart white chef outfits. The dining room has been decorated with elegance, the table finally replaced by Emmett, where he spent an hour carving a new table for Esme, and succeeding very well, though it was too dramatic. The four legs were clawed gargoyles, and on the top was the picture of Heracles and his twelve labours. Esme received it graciously, but I am sure she will grew to love it after the initial shock.

The doorbell rang again, and Emmett opened the door.

"Welcome, wolves. We are very honoured to have you as our judge for the Feast," said Emmett formally, with a slight incline of the head.

The wolves – Sam, Jared, Paul, Seth, Leah, Embry, Quil and Jacob – walked in, so did Emily, Sam's fiancée. They were wearing their usual t-shirt and shorts and was taken aback, when the house was decorated like a 5-star restaurant.

Even the vampires were surprised that the wolves are not wearing anything slightly – decent. The two supernatural creatures stared at each other, and the tension in the air grew... before a fully-fledge fight could start I stepped between them, with one hand facing Emmett and the other Paul. Me, the fragile human, trying to stop inhumanly strong creatures from fighting. What a joke.

"Shall we, ah, move to the dining room?" I said lightly.

Carlisle walked forward. Always the man. "Of course, please, let us move to the dining room. Dinner will be served,"

The wolves looked at each other uncertainly. It seemed that they only realisle now it's a real deal, and not a campfire party. They haven't take it seriously when Emmett wrote the note for a six-course meal. I threw a look at Jacob, who looked as if someone had struck matches under his nose. He grimaced at me and said,

"I smell food. Let's go. Sam?"

Sam nodded, and said, "Okay,"

The vampires showed the wolves into the dining room. Edward and Jasper directed them to their seats and the wolves sat uncertainly as napkin was placed on their laps and the vampires asked them if they prefer champagne or orange juice. Sam sat at the head of table, with me on the other end. (Yes, I was included into the feast. They felt like it's a compensation of all the bad meals I received three months ago) Jacob sat on my right and Quil on my left.

Edward walked to the table and said graciously,

"Welcome, wolves and of course, Emily and Bella," I rolled my eyes. I was in the house for three days. "We welcome you to this feast as both judge and friend. As you know, we have been making an effort to be better in cooking, and therefore we are grateful that you have agreed to come,"

Edward sounded so sincere, I immediately believed him. But of course I always do. The wolves looked slightly gratified too, and they sat with more ease.

"Some weird vampires, huh?" Jacob whispered to me.

I smiled. Jacob hasn't known the extent of their weirdness.

"This will be a six-course meal, and every service will be given to make sure you have the most enjoyable experience. Now, the appetiser will be served. It is Mediterranean salad with champagne,"

The vampires girls came out with trays and served the food. I nearly laughed when Alice put a bowl in front of me dressed in black waitress suit. She rolled her eyes. The bowl was filled with salad so elegantly designed that I found it had to believe it was Edward who prepared this. The vampire girls had agreed to serve because they don't eat and the boys are busy in the kitchen.

"Please savour," said Edward, with a confident smile. We picked up the fork.

I took a bite of that salad, feeling afraid for a moment. Then I bite.

Fireworks. Music. Lights! Incredible taste filled my taste buds and I felt myself actually enjoying the salad. No - _loving - _the salad. The sourness opened my taste buds like flower, and the vegetables cool and fresh. It was altogether a perfect salad. Indescribably perfect.

The wolves was as much surprised as I am. Except for Leah, the wolves looked like their stomach has been conquered. That's what happened when you are men. Easily won over by good food. Emily was enjoying it immensely, and even Leah gave a grudging nod.

Edward's smile was victorious. Everyone finished their salad and the next course came. Carlisle stepped into the dining room and said,

"Now you will be served cream of mushroom soup and bread. It is the traditional English way of making the soup and the bread is freshly baked baguette. Please enjoy,"

I could see scepticism in the wolves. Cream of mushroom? That's too common. But when everyone took a sip we were won over too. The soup was so creamy it made me feel dreamy, so rich in texture and smooth in taste. And the bread – oh! The best bread there was ever made! Butterly, crunchy on the outside and warm in the inside.

Now everyone had visibly relaxed and was enjoying themselves. The third course was sushi, and Jasper introduced it.

"This is a selection of sushi created by me. There's salmon, cod, fish roe, prawns and crabs. Also, the highlight of this platter is that salted pork sushi which I named it 'The Civil War sushi'."

The wolves were thrown aback by the Civil War thing but ate with relish. It was fun to see how they are completely blown away by the food. Everyone was just concentrating on eating. We liked the wasabi especially - homemade ny our World War 2 major chef.

The fourth course was pizza. Yes, that's weird but Emmett's project was tomake the perfect pizza for the past three months. I was a little wary of what he might serve - you can never tell with Emmett. But it was pepperoni and cheese pizza. I was so taken aback at the _normality_ of the pizza that I looked up at Emmett. He just smiled at me and raised a thumb-up. I took a bite, and understand why were the wolves - ahem – wolfing down all their pizza. Something special between the crust and the cheese was just _yum!_

The fifth course was Carlisle's special – black pudding.

Even the wolves were afraid to try it. They can probably smell it's blood, and thought it's a great joke. Paul was the one who took the initial move and took a tentative bite.

"Oh, man, this is heaven!" and wolfed down the rest of his black pudding.

I felt Carlisle was looking at me, and I smiled weakly. The fork hovered in the air for a long second before I mustered the courage to put it in my mouth and chew.

I sighed in pleasure and nodded to Carlisle, who's face lit up like Christmas light. I had a suspicion he was most worried about my reaction than any other. I finished my black pudding and enjoyed every moment of it, feeling a little embarrassed when Carlisle walked to my side and said,

"I'm glad you liked it. It's for you especially,"

Finally – the sixth and the last course – dessert. Edward prepared the desert, and it was something that roused laughter from me. Waffles and ice-cream.

Jacob stared strangely at me but I shook my head.

"The desert is waffles and ice-cream. The highlight is the ice-cream, which is traditional Italian ice-cream with blueberries. Please do enjoy,"

Nobody had any doubt that this will be delicious. Even though I felt so full I could burst, I was still surprised at the amazingness of the waffles. After I finished it, I felt sleepy as I sipped my juice. It was a wonderful meal.

Suddenly, someone clapped. I blinked and saw Sam had stood up and was clapping. Slowly, everyone stood up and clapped, too. Jacob wolf-whistled. Carlisle, Emmett, Jasper and Edward stood together, stunned. Esme, Alice and Rosalie joined in the clapping, too.

"It was the best meal I've ever had in my entire life!" said Jacob.

"I can eat here every day!" laughed Paul.

"You must tell me the recipes," said Emily to Edward. Edward looked really pleased.

Everyone pilled in their praises, and the chefs bowed in delight, and I am sure if they could cry, they would.

The dinner party ended in warmth, glow and good food. The vampires scored!

**YAY! Happy ending... NOT! Relax, there'll be be approximately two more chapters before I officially wrapping the story up! I know - but this is getting longer than I've ever planned, and I'd like to stop at Chapter 30 - the perfect ending. **

**Review, please! THANKS!  
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	29. Chapter 29

**Once again, I must say "THANK YOU GUYS!" for all the reviews you've given me! *wipe away tears*. Also, all of you who had add me as favourites and alerts! I am so glad that you all loved this story, which started out harmless enough but gets so out of hand! Yeah…. This is the last second chapter, and yes, it's a quiet Bella & Edward moment. Hope you guys enjoy it!**

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN TWILIGHT!**

Chapter 29 – I'll Be Your Personal Chef

**Bella's POV**

Edward sent me home after the party. It had been a few days since I went home, and I was worried about Charlie. Though he had been experimenting with cooking for about as long as Edward was in exile, but, being just a human, not to mention a human man, he just wasn't that interested. Luckily there were some pizza left and I brought back home, just in case.

"Edward! So you've come back!" said Charlie when Edward stepped into the house. "How's your, erm, exile?"

Edward. Always the better actor, said like a boy who had learned his lesson.

"It was difficult, but I understand I was wrong and I accept the punishments from Esme gladly,"

Charlie didn't know what to say.

"Hey, dad, have you eaten dinner yet? We have some really good pizza," I said.

"Hmmmm. Okay. I just cooked some bacon and ate bread. Pizza would be nice. There's a game going on," said Charlie, already itching to the television.

"And I must leave. I still have crefew," said Edward solemnly to Charlie and a wink to me. "Good night, Charlie,"

"Yeah, good night. Say hi to your parents," said Charlie. He took a bite of Emmett's pizza absent-mindedly, then his eyes widened.

"Wow. Where did you get this pizza? It's amazing!"

I stared at Charlie. "Really, dad?"

"Yeah!" Charlie took another bite and his eyes glazed over. "It's totally amazing!"

"Emmett is experiencing with pizza," said Edward. "He's thinking of opening a pizza shop now that he quit university,"

"Wow. Tell him to go ahead. I'd be his first customer!" said Charlie enthusiastically, finishing all the pizza before you could say "Emmett's underpants".

Edward laughed. "I will. Good night!" and he walked to the door. I followed him.

"You're not really leaving, right?" I said, reluctant to let him go.

"No. But I'll be back in an or two hour. I still have to talk with Esme and everything. I'll see you before you sleep. Is it okay, love?"

I smiled and inhaled his scent. "Yeah. Family first. I needed a long human moment before you come,"

"Good night," Edward winked. I laughed.

Edward came in through the window after Charlie went to bed. I was feeling sleepy already. It had also been one hell of a three month for me. I didn't sleep well and had occasional nightmare without Edward's presence. But knowing him back in town was the best comfort I could get.

"Hey, love," said Edward, climbing in next to me in my bed. "Did I wake you?"

I sighed. "No. I'm not asleep yet,"

There was a long moment of silence until I could almost expect Edward was asleep. Then he laughed silently.

"It's been one hell of a month, eh?" said Edward.

"Precisely my words," I smiled, worming myself to the contours of his marble body.

Edward shook his head. "Thinking back every single moment was amazing. I can't believe we actually live through it,"

"The major puking," I laughed. Then I remembered how pale and shaken he was at the TV, I caressed his hair. "I'm sorry I laughed. It must've been hard,"

"It was terrible," Edward confessed. "I felt all my dead organs are coming out from my throat. When I coughed up blood I almost thought, for a moment, that I was going to be dehydrated,"

I kissed him. "My poor Edward! I was so worried. To tell the truth, Esme was too. In fact, she almost pardoned you guys if Emmett didn't break that Egypt vase,"

Edward sighed. "We know. Carlisle was so good with his voice! Emmett always do mess things up!"

"But you guys finally grew up," I pointed up. "And became a better vampires,"

Edward laughed. "After a century,"

"I don't understand," I said. "Why is Emmett still like this after so many years? Why haven't he learnt his lessons?"

Edward frowned for a moment and answered. "It's because we are frozen both personality and age. Well, a few of our strongest personality, anyway. Most of us are frozen in adolescence. So we are still acting like a pile of boys. But really, without these kind of scheme every decade or so, life does get pretty boring,"

"It makes you old," I teased. Edward laughed.

After a while, when I was about to sleep, I asked Edward,

"Edward, were you really crazy? I saw you talking to yourself with 'Tiny Me' and 'Mini Me'…And Carlisle was totally off the hook and all that gluing at Emmett's mouth…"

Edward did something so unlike him. He coughed self-consciously.

"Erm… Bella, I promised not to break the promise,"

"What promise?" I said, curious and suspicious.

"It's a boy thing," said Edward. "Bella, you do know you are a really bad actress, right?"

I started to protest.

"Shhh, love," said Edward, putting a finger on my lips. "Just know this: exaggeration,"

Then he hummed my lullaby and I had no choice but to fall asleep. I think I ate too much. Because I dreamt of a bunch of different sizes Edwards waving their hands and shouting,

"I like to move it, move it! Pizza is my speciality!"

**BOO HOO! Last chapter up tomorrow! REVIEW, please!**


	30. Chapter 30

**THE LAST CHAPTER!**

**I know, I know! I'm sad ending my story too! But it must be done. Let it be a happy ending before I write something like Emmett force the President to eat doughnuts with Homer Simpson or something... Once again, for the last time, I must say a big THANK YOU to all of you who had so faithfully followed my story and give me reviews chapter by chapter! Your enthusiasm really touched me! Especially when I'm down I see all those reviews... wow - it's better than chocolate!**

**So without futhur ado, let me present you the last chapter of WHEN THE CULLENS COOK!**

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN TWILIGHT!  
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**CHAPTER 30 – HOW WE ENDS**

**BELLA'S POV**

Would you believe me if I tell you the boys had learnt their lessons of behaving themselves and not breaking anymore of Esme's furniture?

Would you believe me if I tell you the boys are angels for the next decade, never causing troubles to anyone, loving to their wives and loyal to their family?

Would you BELIEVE me if I tell you the boys had proved themselves as a man capable of making their own business and making their women proud when they come home from work?

Frankly, if you tell me the boys would be like THAT three months ago I'd fell off the floor laughing.

Yes, amazing! This IS just like magic! Or supernatural beings. The boys had learnt their lessons. Of course, god knows where the next scheme will arise, but hey, live for the moment, isn't it?

Carlisle had gone back to work as a doctor. His colleagues missed him and there are many medical cases waiting for him to attend. But now he discovered the goodness of good, healthy food, he started to pay more attention to the nutrition intakes of his patients. He discovered how bad the hospital food were, and personally conducted a menu specific for different kinds of patients. He taught the staff how to cook, and even showed them his cooking skills. If the hospital loves him before, they are crazy about the hot, intelligent, cooking Dr. Cullen now. After his establishment of good hospital food, he found that many of the patients are happier and they recovered quicker. In less than two months of this project, hospitals across the land began to follow the suit set up by the vampire doctor.

Jasper didn't cook for a long time. He said he had enough of cooking to last for a century. However, he devoted his time in experimenting Japanese food. He's always writing notes and thinking a recipe over and over before making a move, like the detailed major in Civil War he is. Sometimes he helped Emmett figure things out, but usually he just content himself by looking at Emmett when Emmett cooks, or, to the surprise for the rest of us, he actually started to help Esme in the house. We couldn't understand the change of nature; only Esme can. She was more than happy that her always distant son was making the first move of "rebonding".

Edward became, true to his words, my personal cook. He prepared dinner for me and Charlie nearly every day, trying new Italian recipes and totally won Charlie over, which, I suspect, might be one of the reason. Of course he never eats, claiming he doesn't like to eat what he cooks, but Charlie was too preoccupied with the food than care Edward doesn't eat. Thank god Charlie has stopped cooking now, or I'm really afraid the Chief Police of Forks Town burned his own house because he forgot to turn off the oven.

But what eclipsed all of the boys was our Emmett. Emmett found a harmless scheme to occupy his too-idle time. Yes, he opened a pizzeria! After one more month of survey and testing (done mostly by the wolves and Charlie) about his pizza, he opened his first pizzeria in Port Angeles, named "Emmett's Pizza Island". There were 30 types of different pizza from the menu, and these are the few famous ones:

1. English Delight: With special homemade black pudding as the main ingredient , spiced up by good old goat cheese and bell peppers, English Delight blew you away back to the Middle Ages where black sausage plays a prominent role in the daily life of Englishmen.

2. War in Japan: Salted pork with sushi rice, this is a pizza you have never seen before! Though you may doubt rice on pizza, but don't forget this is a speciality: the sticky sushi rice was doused by vinegar before barbequeing it to crispiness, topped with salted pork where it was a common food in the Civil Wars. While you eat this, remember the war and all the brave soldiers who had carry on this tradition till today.

3. La Pizza Bella: The most Italian pizza you'd ever have! From that tomato salsa at the base to the bright olive on top, you'll enjoy it layer by layer of pepperoni and cheese! Not to mention the special herbs and spices in between bites! A burst of surprise in every single bite!

It doesn't need Alice's visions to see that Emmett's Pizzeria is going to be the new sensation. In just one month after the first opening of the first restaurant, franchise popped up all over America and became the fastest selling pizza shop, beating down Pizza Hut and Pappa John. In three months time it crossed the ocean and reached to Europe, where Prince William and his wife Princess Kate honoured the first Emmett's Pizza Shop. Emmett got his wish in shaking Prince William's hands and had the prince fall head-over-heels in love with one of the specialty pizza: "Lettuce and Oyster – don't be afraid for it is as good as it sounds!" Though of course now the phase of "I want to marry Prince William" is very well over and no one dares to mention it, Emmett was inconsolably happy for the next few, er, decades. He had the picture of him shaking the Prince's hand (Princess Kate was not in the picture) printed poster size and sticked it in every one of his franchise.

So, yeah, it's a happy ending for everyone! Especially for Esme, who couldn't believe when Emmett secretly refurnished his kitchen with all the profits he made with the pizza business. Esme was really glad that her punishment had turned out so surprisingly fruitful. If the boys did anything out of the line - well, one mention of "Isle Esme" shut them out of any form of catastrophe.

"Bella?" Edward whispered next to my ear. "Are you ready to go and have the celebration?"

"Yup," I said.

We got down the stairs and headed over to Port Angeles, where a party is going on in Emmett's first pizza shop. It is to celebrate the boys' three-month returned to Forks. Everyone is invited, including the wolves and their family and even Charlie. Emmett said he wouldn't miss his best customer. Charlie was the first person in the whole world that had tested all of Emmett's creation.

"To Esme!" said everyone, raising their glasses. (The vampire had blood, which was disguised as Bloody Mary. The rest of us had champagne or juice.)

"Yes, to Esme, for making this happen!" said Emmett, waving his glass around and nearly dumping Paul with blood.

"To Esme, for she forgives us seventy times seven," said Carlisle.

"And she still let the punishment goes on even though her heart is breaking," said Edward slyly.

"And because she is the best mother in the world!" said Jasper unexpectedly. Esme almost cried. She looked at her boys with bright golden eyes and said,

"The credit goes to my boys, whose best motivation is not me, nor any of us, but themselves. They did it! Cheers!"

Everyone raised their glass and cheered. And with lots of clapping and laughter and pizza going around, thus end the story of the Cullen boys in the chapter of their life of "WHEN THE CULLENS COOK"!

**EPILOGUE**

**(Third party's POV)**

"You're sure Esme doesn't know we faked all those crazy stunts in Isle Esme?"

"Please, Carlisle, it was almost real!"

"Emmett, you do not want Esme to find out the meaning of 'exaggerated acting', okay?"

"Jeez, Edward, you sounded as bad as Carlisle,"

"I think it'd be okay. She's pretty calm, Carlisle,"

"I hoped so! I so do not want to spend another three month in Isle Esme!"

"Okay, boys. This is what we'll do: we put all of this unpleasant experiece out of our minds and just focus on getting back into Esme's good book, okay? No more stupid bets in, like, half a century,"

"Carlisle!"

"Shut it, Emmett! We promise, Carlisle,"

"Say it for yourself,"

"I promise, too, Carlisle,"

"Really, Jazz? You too? You're now officially mama's boy?"

"Emmett?"

"Oh, well. Fine. What about Alice?"

"You have to bring that up, do you?"

"Yes, Jazz. I have to. If Alice just slipped..."

"She wouldn't,"

"How're you sure, mind-reader?"

"DUH! You can be pretty dumb sometimes, Em!"

"Alright. ALRIGHT boys! STOP IT! Are you guys full? Yes? Good. We're heading back, okay? You, Edward, keep tabs on Esme and Alice for another decade or so; and Jasper, just try to butter Alice up so we won't be in the risk of getting exile again; and YOU, Emmett,"

"Yeah, what about me? You guys always give me the suckiest job,"

"You are going to run your pizzarie, and nothing more, okay? With one thousand two hundred and fifty-one shop over the world is quite busy, okay? Don't make extra scenes,"

"Fine, fine. Got it. No wonder I was used to be so burst when I don't have my shops to occupy my nightlife,"

"Alright. We're near. Everyone, angel smiles, angel attitudes and angel conscience, okay?"

"Where's my halo?"

**Hahaha! There's a "little" extra for you! So, good bye for now! I hope you enjoy the entire story, and of course, review! Love ya!**

**hoNeypiAnoBs  
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**PS. If you're futhur interested in my writing, I have a new story called "The Search of Life", focusing on Carlisle Cullen. It's about Carlisle had lose his meaning on his life and he embarks on a three years, three months and three days journey over the world to search for his meaning of life. It's very different from this story, but I thought I try some new style... so, check it out if you're interested! **


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